If Only You Knew

SIXTEEN

- Hey, I greeted him.
- Hi there, his voice was warm and made my nervous.

We both stayed quiet an instant. I racked my brain, trying to find something to say.

- I'm in town, do you want to grab lunch? I thought you might need a break from everything.

I hesitated, glancing at the Mexican spot I had just parked in front of. The thought of seeing Shawn made me feel nervous. This would be the first time we hung out since that night, and I couldn't help feeling like this was a big deal. Even if he had been around, we hadn't spent time one on one. Truth be told, I also liked the idea of a distraction.

- Okay, I agreed finally, where should we meet?
- There's a Vietnamese restaurant on Gerrard Street that I love, I'll send you the address. Meet you there in thirty minutes?
- Perfect. See you then, I said, my palms sweating.

I ended the call, waiting for his text before driving to the location. On the drive, I struggled to find a song I liked for longer than 30 seconds. I kept skipping, never landing on the right tune to match how I felt. When a Vancouver Sleep Clinic song came on, I settled for the soft, melancholic tune. It hit me that I was quite antsy and their music was soothing me.

Once I parked near Ohhh Bánh Mì, I tried not to get in my head. Grabbing my bag quickly, I rushed out of the car and crossed the street where I spotted Shawn sitting at a table near the window. With a deep breath, I walked in. When he looked up and smiled, a warmth fuzzy feeling spread through me.

- Hey, he greeted me standing up.

We hugged, and he held on for a little longer than I expected. His embrace was comforting, and eased some of my nervousness.

- Is it okay if we grab something to go? he asked as we pulled apart.
- Yeah, no problem, I answered.

We both ordered a banh mi and a rice paper salad to share, and as we waited, Shawn told me about his trip and the studio session.

- Are you writing a single?
- An album, this session was incredibly productive so I ended up writing more than expected. I'm enjoying the process more than I've ever had. I think it all comes down to knowing myself as a musician, and knowing the people I work with.
- Wow, this sounds so foreign to me. I don't even know how one begins to write a song, I joked.

Shawn chuckled, nodding his head while looking down. The casual conversation made me feel normal for once in a while, and my heart felt lighter. Shawn's eyes came back to me, and I looked away, feeling caught staring at him.

- I could show you some time, it's nothing complicated, he said with a smile.

Our order came through, and while Shawn took the bags, I grabbed a few napkins and utensils. As he held the door for me, I was about to ask him where we should eat when two young ladies stopped us.

- Hi Shawn, could we have a selfie? the tallest one asked.

I walked a couple of feet away to not attract their attention, and grabbed my phone. I watched Shawn greeting them, and taking photos before waving them goodbye. I walked ahead of him and turned on the parking lot near by, so I could be out of sight. Shawn followed me a few feet behind.

- I didn't think we'd walk into anyone on this side of the city. I'm sorry, he said, scratching his head.
- Don't worry, I brushed off. It's nothing, really.
- Do you want to head up to my condo? It might be easier than attracting more people around here. I asked that they wait before posting, but you never know.

Shawn suggested this with an awkward smile, and for the first time I became aware of the impact of his celebrity status. I nodded, taken aback by the thought of how his normal life must be affected.