If Only You Knew

TWENTY ONE

After the hospital visit, Shawn drove us back to my Mom's so I could pick up Donna's car. Driving behind Shawn gave me time to process the hospital visit. Shawn had insisted on coming with me, and seeing him there, by my side, showing he cared was unexpected in the best way. It made me feel less worried about his intentions regarding our relationship.

But now, as I followed him in separate cars back to my father's house, the knot in my stomach tightened again. I wished that I had asked Donna who would be picking up the keys and I felt some anxiety if my Dad was to be there.

I gripped the steering wheel tighter as we pulled up to the house. Shawn parked first on the street, and I pulled in front of the garage. He stepped out, waiting for me, and for a second, I let myself take in the sight of him—calm, solid, as if all of this didn't shake him like it did me. 

I stepped out of the car and shut the door, feeling some discomfort being at my father's house now.

- Fancy seeing you here, Shawn giggled, his voice soft.

With a chuckle, I nodded, trying to keep my smile steady. 

- You're a funny guy, eh? I said back.

We walked to the front door, his arm lazily around my shoulders. I rang the doorbell, my throat tight and my heart skipping a beat. I squeezed Shawn's hand, silently praying for Donna to swing the door open, no one else in the house, eager to get her car.

Instead, the door creaked open to reveal my dad. He stood there, looking tired, and the sight of him made my stomach drop.

For a moment, we just stared at each other, the weight of unspoken things hanging between us. His eyes flicked over to Shawn, then back to me, a flash of relief, maybe, crossing his face.

- Naomi, he said, his voice softer than I anticipated. I did- I wasn't expecting you.
- I'm just dropping off Donna's car, I said, my voice barely steady.

Before he could respond, Shawn stepped forward and shook his hand while greeting him. This broke the awkwardness for a second, and brought a smile to my father's face.

- Nice to see you, Ray. I just wanted to say hi, I have a phonecall to make but I hope you're well. 

I turned to Shawn surprised, my mouth half open and unable to put my thoughts together. He immediately kissed my forehead, his hand resting lightly on the back of my head. It was such a simple gesture, and it felt as if he was saying I'm here. 

- I'll wait in the car, Shawn murmured. 

He gave my Dad a polite nod before heading back down the driveway. I watched him go for a moment, feeling that mix of nerves and comfort collide in me all over again.

- Mimi, could we please talk?

The softness in my father's voice pulled a string at my heart, and as I looked back at him, a shadow of sadness crossed his face. I strangely could see him under a new light, his hair was slightly turning silver on his temples and the lines on his face were more prominent. Time was definitely affecting his appearance and it hit me for the first time.

- Sure, I said, feeling like a teenager for some reason. 

I stepped inside, the familiar scent of the house enveloped me. My father closed the door behind me, and we walked towards the kitchen, the quiet padding of our footsteps filling the silence.

We sat at the kitchen counter, where so many conversations had happened over the years—most of them mundane, some of them painful. I ran my fingers over the cool surface, grounding myself and breathed in slowly.