If Only You Knew

FOURTEEN

The morning sun shone brightly as I drove around Pickering with the twins' chatter filling the car. I offered to take them to the hockey rink for their practice today, so Elliot and Jonah were both bulked up in their gear, clutching their hockey sticks and bags. The pungent scent of wet socks unfortunately floated around us.

- Can we listen to that new song by Drake? Jonah asked from the back seat.
- Bro, no. That's all you listen to, I'm over it, whined Elliot.
- Which one? I replied, scrolling through my library.

I barely kept up with Drake's music as I personally believed he had peaked a few years back, when I was in high school. Though I knew some of his new titles, I didn't feel like his target audience anymore.

- It doesn't matter, Naomi. Let's hear some J. Cole or Kendrick, do you have any? Elliot chimed in.

With a chuckle, I nodded, and soon a familiar beat filled the car. It didn't take long for us to be jamming to the music, which created an escape from the heaviness that had settled over our family the last couple of days. In that moment, I realized how music had always been a love language for me, a way to bond. This also made me think of Shawn and how he had given me control of the music the last time we hung out.

After dropping the twins off at the rink, I decided to treat myself to a matcha tea. Downtown Pickering was quiet at this time of the day and I walked into a charming little café, welcomed by the comforting smell of brewed coffee and freshly baked pastries. A few elderly people were enjoying their breakfast in the back of the room. While I waited for my order, I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder. I turned around to see Karen, Shawn's mother, standing behind me with a warm smile.

- Naomi, how are you? she asked.
- Oh hi, Mrs. Karen. I'm... I'm alright.

She tilted her head, with a sympathetic look before pulling me into a hug. This unexpected gesture and simple act of compassion made my vision blurry. Her familiar perfume overwhelmed me with nostalgia, and I fought hard not to cry in front of everyone.

- How's your mother doing? she inquired, pulling back to look at me.
- She's stable, and the doctors are hopeful, I answered, attempting a smile.

Karen squeezed my hand, and it made me feel like a teenager, all over again.

- If your family needs anything, please let us know. We're here for you.
- Thank you, it means a lot, I said, nodding. 

We chatted for a few more minutes, I asked her about Aaliyah and the little things that make up everyday life. Once my order came up, we parted ways with another hug. As I walked out of the café, I felt a sense of warmth wrapping around me. I was so grateful for the genuine support I kept receiving from people I hadn't seen in years.

Feeling hopeful, I decided to take a walk along the Beachpoint Promenade to clear my mind. The sound of the waves and the crisp air provided a much-needed moment of peace amidst my inner chaos. I sat on a bench, watching the seagulls and letting my thoughts drift as flew by and away with their distinct bird calls.

From a distant memory, I heard my mother's voice warding off seagulls on a day we spent on Toronto Islands. I rememberd the birds being fearless of people and they would dive straight for our food despite us being on the patio of a big outdoor restaurant. My cousin Anna and her parents were there too; we must have been seven years old. My dad was doing his best at guarding our plates while my mother waved her scarf at the seagulls. I remembered feeling so entertained by my mother's stubbornness as other birds joined the circus. It felt strange to reminisce about such joyful moments with her. Despite the bittersweet sensation I felt, I was also hopeful, knowing there would be more memories to be made once she woke up.