If Only You Knew

NINE

The checkered tiles and neon lights of the Mahjong Bar wrapped us in an intimate atmosphere the minute we stepped inside. With round booths and open tables, Shawn and I chose to sit at a high table at the back of the bar. He seemed relaxed with a subtle redness tinted his cheeks, a tell that he was slightly tipsy. My cocktail had loosened me up, too, and I was surprisingly comfortable in this intimate setting. I had never been to a speak easy bar and I loved the concept, something about it made it feel like we were breaking the rules.

The scent of my mezcal and violette cocktail wafted up, mingling with the tang of Shawn's tequila sunrise. I appreciated the artistry that went into each drink, especially the fact these cocktails were tailored to our liking or mood. I took a sip and welcomed the delicious smoky flavor of the liquor.

- Your all time favorite movie, go! I challenged him. 
- This is hard. Hm, I have to think about it a little.

I watched him stare at the ceiling, his eyes sifting through invisible thoughts while I enjoyed the sight of face. His lips twitched for a while, before he turned back to me.

- The Notebook? he chuckled.
- You don't sound sure, I noted, but good choice. A classic, some might say.

Shawn ran a hand through his curls before raising his glass to his lips. My eyes were drawn to his natural charisma, and I found myself mesmerized by the man he had become. He looked so different from my memories that my brain was slowly storing up this new side of him. The nerves from earlier were now replaced by curiosity, growing by the minute.

- What's yours? he asked, leaning in.
- I have a top five, I can't pick a favorite.
- Like choosing a favorite child?
- Exactly, I lively nodded.

Our discussions shifted from lighthearted anecdotes to our deepest dreams and aspirations. I was surprised to hear we had a lot in common, both living a life style most of our families couldn't relate to. Time seemed to blur and the world around us faded away. The cocktails were successfully keeping my brain quiet, and the sound of our laughter mingled with the soft R&B music playing in the background. I let my body sway to the slowed beats, enjoying this evening more than I ever thought I would.

As the night went on, Shawn had moved his stool beside me, allowing us to hear each other better. The bass in his voice echoed deeply in my chest as he leaned in to tell me about his recent trip to Italy with his family. He was still very close to them, and it was really endearing. After a lull in our conversation, he looked at me with a deliberate slow sip of his cocktail.

- I wonder what our teenage selves would say if they saw us right now... Shawn said, putting down his glass.

His words suddenly made the lack of tension between us obvious. This launched a bunch of emotions inside me. A blur of memories rushed in, some of them our most intimate moments. As the flashbacks blinked in my mind, I felt blood rushing to my face.

- Well, my younger self wouldn't approve of me being here with you to begin with, I mused playfully.

My eighteen-year-old-self had vowed to never let him back into my life after the heartbreak. I was already stubborn back then, and I could bet I wouldn't be here at all. Shawn gently chuckled filling the pause between us. 

- That's fair, he added with a nod.
- But... I think she'd be happy to have a chance to get to know this version of you, I reassured him.

The atmosphere around us, charged with vulnerability, proved that the past was behind us both. He offered me a soft smile, setting off a whirlwind of butterflies within me.

- I think my younger self would be slapping the back of my head and urging me to not be an idiot this time, he chuckled.

Shawn's light-hearted response created a genuine laugh from me, breaking this dance between the past and the present. It was as if time had stopped as his words "to not be an idiot this time" echoed in my head. The music shifted to a mellower tune, and the soft notes changed the whole ambiance.