If Only You Knew

TWELVE

Over the next two days, the preparation for Grandma Lynn's birthday kicked into high gear. I found myself juggling between helping my dad with the party details and anxiously preparing and packing. There was nothing I hated more than having to pack in a rush, so to avoid that, I pro-actively packed my clothes little by little. With the thoughts of my return to London creeping in, I felt a sense of urgency in me. The pressure to make the most of my remaining time in Toronto grew bigger.

I hadn't heard from Shawn since the night I spent over at his place, and the space we both seemed to give each other was for the best. I first spent an awful time wanting to know where it could lead, but my imminent departure cut those ideas short quickly. I knew there was no point on trying to build anything since I was leaving. Also the fear of his rejection was strong enough for me to let go.

Spending time organizing the party allowed my father and me to share some much-needed quality time together. It was a treat to have him all to myself. We bonded over the fact that Grandma would have been mortified if we had planned a big, lavish party, which became a great source of jokes as we imagined her reaction and what we could have done to create that. My dad and I agreed on having a nice family gathering at his house with her brothers, my dad's cousins, and their families. This would be a chance to catch up with my extended family and cherish the simplicity of being together.

On the morning of the party, while picking up the cake at a local bakery, I received a call from Brett. My breath stopped as I realized I never answered his lunch invitation.

- Hey Brett, I answered as casually as I could.
- Hey yourself, how are you?
- Busy planning a birthday party and packing. I meant to answer you too, I have no excuse, I'm so sorry.

I switched off the engine of my dad's car, and watched a couple passing by, knowing what had truly happened was... Shawn.

- It's alright, it sounds like you have your hands full.
- Too full, if I am honest, I chuckled.

Brett's voice brought the memory of our New Year's Eve evening back. It seemed like that was weeks ago, which became an alarmingly recurring sentiment lately.

- So, I guess this mean you don't have time to have lunch with me then?

I smiled at his straightforwardness, noting his intention to meet me during the day. Clearly, he was showing a genuine interest to get to know me.

- Well I'm a strong believer that time is something you have to take, so... Technically, I could make the time for that.
- Mmh, I see. Listen Naomi, I won't take offense if you're not interested. Truly, Brett softly said.

I could hear him smile while talking to me. The vulnerability he showed felt so brave and I appreciated it. For a second I thought about what harm there could be in meeting him before I left.

- No, it's not that, I paused feeling my heart speed up. How does tomorrow sound?
- Sounds perfect to me, I'll text you the place and time. Is that alright with you?

His low voice created a flutter in my stomach.

- Great, I'll see you then.
- Alright, see you then, Brett said before hanging up.

I pulled my phone away from my face, watching my reflection in the black screen. I let out a frustrated grunt, resting my head on the sterring wheel. Why everything was happening all at once? I wasn't used to this amount of attention, especially from men. And why was I feeling guilty for having such a good time with people? Feeling uncomfortable, I decided to push all of this aside, and stepped out of the car.

Once the cake was picked up, I drove home to find the twins digging through boxes in the garage. They both waved at me and went back to their intense search. I stepped into the house with the hefty cake Donna had ordered and set it down on the kitchen counter.