Finding Our Way Back (Tinn and Gun)

I will always find you

"How are you doing man?" Tiw asked as he sat next to Tinn.

Tinn kept quiet and shook his head with a sad chuckle. He had gone quiet recently, ever since that day nothing had ever been quite the same again. Which is understandable though, the love of his life was brutally murdered a few days before their wedding.

"Stupid question." Tiw said with an awkward chuckle. He really didn't know what to say, he knew nothing he did or said could take Tinn's pain away.

It had been a month since Gun's death, they tried to save him but the trauma to the lung caused by the stab wound was irreparable. He also lost a lot of blood, he died within minutes when he got to the emergency room.

"Do you want to come over for dinner? Norawit misses you." Tiw asked, Tinn had buried himself with work. He hadn't gone back to surgery as of yet but he was keeping himself occupied with paperwork.

"I am kind of busy Tiw, maybe next time." Tinn replied declining the dinner invitation, he didn't want to be around anyone. Everything and everyone reminded him of what he lost.

"Please stop isolating yourself from your loved ones Tinn. Your mom has been trying to get ahold of you. We care about you man." Tiw said, he really wanted to be there for his bestfriend but how can he when Tinn kept pushing everyone away.

"I will call mom later on. I am just tired Tiw, I promise I will come and see Norawit tomorrow. I promise." Tinn replied with a faint smile. Tiw knew that smile was forced, he also knew that Tinn was probably lying. Tomorrow he was going to come up with another excuse as to why he can't come.

It bothered Tiw that Tinn refuses to leave the place that Gun and him lived in, the very same place Gun was killed at.

Tinn found comfort in that place, to him Gun was more alive in their place. The pillows still had his scent, although it was fading it was still there. Sometimes he would forget that Gun was no more, and whenever he would remember it was gut-wrenching. It would feel like the wind was knocked out of his lungs, a heavy feeling would arise on his chest. It felt like a python was wrapped all around his chest crushing him to death.

Every morning he would accidentally make two cups of coffee, the other one he would make it just the way Gun liked it. Until he would get an earth shattering reminder that Gun isn't alive anymore, he won't be able to make coffee for him anymore or even cook for him.

At the end of the day Tinn called his mother as he drove home. Like always for the past month his mother asked him to come home for dinner, and like he had always done he promised to come over the weekend. He lied.

The moment he walked in their shared house he couldn't help but breakdown in tears. The house was lonely without Gun, but it was also the only place that reminded him of Gun. It was like a double-edged sword, it was the one place that brought him immerse comfort but it also brought him great sorrow.

The reality was that Tinn will grieve forever. He will never 'get over' the loss of Gun, he will never learn to live with it. He will never heal and he will never rebuild himself around the loss he has suffered. He never will be whole again and he will never be the same.

He took a shower without having any dinner, what was the point of eating if he was going to eat alone anyways. He was going to take a sleeping pill and fall asleep like he did for the past month.

However on this particular night Tinn did something different, maybe it was because today he missed Gun more than any other day. Perhaps he knew that even if he ceased to exist his loved ones will heal from it, they would move on.

His parents had each other and Tiw had Por. They had their other halves with them, they fell asleep and woke up next to their soul mates. But he didn't have anyone, his significant other, his better half and soul mate was taken away from him. They will be fine without him, however he will never be fine. No matter how much time passes, he will never ever be fine without Gun.