my serotonin // xikers hyunwoo

01.

birds chirping their songs happily, telling everyone about the morning sun that has risen up. the refreshing breeze flying around and playing with my hair. sun trying to get through all the tree leaves and beautiful blossoms that had opened up early. it was a wonderful day. i was barefoot on the ground and grass was tickling my feet. i closed my eyes and absorbed everything around me. the fresh air, blossom scent...

alarm. the whole scene shattered from one morning alarm. i opened my eyes and i was still in my room, in the same old place. hah... it was just a dream. it isn't so easy to escape from reality and even if i do manage to do that, then not for too long. i slowly sat up and stretched out. the view outside the window. typical april scenery. nature slowly waking up, small birds looking buff and sitting by the windows, patiently waiting for some food. people half asleep going to their destinations.

it isn't so far from the summer anymore. then i'll go visit my grandmother and relax for sure. i'll just do like i did it in my dream. as the positive thoughts came to me, i got out of my bed and took my sweater that was thrown on the chair. i made my bed and ahh- my eyes... i guess i have spent too much time at the computer lately. where were my glasses ? i should wear them. but no. what will mom say when she sees me with glasses again... at least i have my eye drops. i rummaged through my desk cabinet and found one ! luckyy. i looked up and poured one drop in each eye. ahh a lot better.

i opened the door and mmhh breakfast was already being made or ready. i got to kitchen to see my mom cooking peacefully and dad is already buttoning up his work suit "good morning y/n. did you sleep well ?" "hmm kind of" i sat down at the table and she placed plate with sunny side up egg, veggie salad and avocado toast. woah that's all my favorite. what's so special today? "i know you've been working really hard in school lately, so i had to wake up earlier and make you breakfast" she packed lunch for my dad in lunch boxes and closed them all. she turned around and looked at me "don't overwork yourself. it would break my heart to see you like that again..."

again... i stared down at my plate. i was kind of on my way back there. i just...i will...i have to try to take care of myself "is the food bad?" "huh?" "you've been staring at it for a while" i stuffed the egg and salad in my mouth and munched it like a hamster, putting it's food in cheeks "no no it's good!" she smiled in response and took off the apron. "that makes me happy. don't miss the bus! i have to rush to work now" still both cheeks full with food, i nodded and continued to eat. i looked up at clock. 7:15 am. OH! bus in 40 minutes. i took the plate up and slid all the remainings in my mouth "tank yo mom-" "be careful not to choke on food, bye!" i waved back to her and she headed out of the apartment and i rushed back into my room.

35 minutes left. okay, i am champion when it comes to get ready real fast. in situations like these. thank goodness i packed my bag yesterday before going to sleep. more precisely - before i shut down. study books, homework, computer, pencil case, usb flash drive... where is it? it has to be there. shit shit shit. i look around the room but i can't seem to find it. 30 minutes. the desk. i push all things around. no. desk cabinets. no. i look at the floor. how did you get under my bed buddy? you almost got me a panic attack. i throw it in my bag... ah wait. i run back to desk and take my glasses and eye drops. i'll need them today. okay, zip up and next place is closet. i take out black straight jeans, white shirt and deconstructed black sweater. going all simple and comfy today. i wear it all on and brush my hair real fast. if i had long hair, i would, for sure, be late to the bus. i take all my stuff and dash out of the room.

beep- i look at my phone. 20 minutes left. ideal. notifications.

kyungmun:
did you do it?

y/n:
yes

i type back and put the phone down. i wear on my converse and at the same time i put on my spring coat. it looked cold outside when i woke up. 15 minutes. perfect. won't have to rush. i open the doors, take out the keys and lock them. sigh. another day in school, but i can do it. each day closer to summer. and i head down the stairs towards my regular way to school.

----

i was right. it didn't seem to get warmer yet. the cold wind blew through my jacket even though i had it zipped up till the top. it is beginning of april but nature didn't seem to hurry. i took out my phone. weather forecast... shoot. whole day like this. weather in following days...? only getting warmer in next week. oh well- someone bumped into my shoulder and my phone almost slipped out of my hand. "hey!" i look up and OH THAT'S MY BUS !! i actually should be thankful. i take my bus card out of my jacket pocket and ring it up. as i go in there are quite a lot of people, but luckily there is free spot just by the exit. i slowly shuffle through the bus and grab the handle. i don't remember any monday that this bus have been this packed. was it because of the cold? there weren't many people on the streets.

the bus stop and huh ? this much- how, how- will they all fit in ? and the grannies. i am doomed. i cramp my hand in to handle and pray to all mighty gods that i won't get elbowed today. they all push in brutally, taking their favorite seats and making sure to create mess in the bus, but at least, i was still in my place. i won't have to go for too long. i'll be fiiine. but i couldn't see the scenery outside anymore. all i see is bald men head who had taken empty sit in front of me. it was unpleasantly oily...oh my. i closed my eyes. okay. maybe this spot is not so lucky.

"CAT IN FRONT!!!" granny shouted through the bus and the bus driver hit the brakes. although my hand was holding on the handle really really tight, it slipped and i fell through. i waited to face plant straight into some chair or ground, but someone grabbed me by the waist and pulled up. my heart was having a party in my body. a rave. i opened my eyes to face some person's chest and neck. i look up and face a guy. with one hand he is holding on the handle, with other one still holding me. "oh my... i am sorry" i would have rather flew straight in to ground. i tried to push out, but people were everywhere where i looked. maybe i should elbow them too "stop it" he was looking down at me "you're making it worse" he is slightly taller than me, almost the same age, light brown hair and sharp eyes "just stand like this till your stop"

i couldn't give any answer. falling straight into guy's hands, being pressed together in bus, because of how packed it is, facing each other while he is holding me. and i don't even know him. okay. embarrassing for now, but i won't have to see him anymore later. he had simple outfit. black hoodie over a shirt with a badge...WITH A BADGE WITH MY SCHOOL LOGO. i look sideways i bite my tongue. i just managed. to fly. into guy's hands. FROM MY SCHOOL. AROUND MY AGE. AND NOW WE ARE HEADING TO THE SAME PLACE. i guess i didn't pray right or i had to pray earlier. it can't go worse right? maybe my prayers will work now. i have only two bus stops to go like this and i'll be free. damn embarrassed but free.

the bus stopped at the next stop and people still didn't move. maybe this all is a dream. i will wake up at my grandmother's place and sleep next to her dog. i look at the bus entrance and... oh my days. it actually can go worse. what the hell is she doing here ?? why would his mother go with this bus ?? this early. if she sees me with this guy like this. she will misunderstand. not that i don't have any feelings towards her son, but this would be quite a show if she happens to see- "what now? what's wrong?" he was looking at me, disturbed by my constant head movements and probably had sensed that i feel uncomfortable. he looked at the woman i was looking at "you have a boyfriend?" "no. it's just...i...if she.." he put his cap on my head and turned around with me. without a worry that he just pushed many people on the bus. i was now standing against the seats and he put both hands on upper rail, blocking my face.

why is he doing all this? to a complete stranger like me. he is looking outside the window without any expressions on his face "look down if you don't want to get caught" his mother passed by us, looked back and went deeper in to the bus. my heart is beating loud and fast. the bus slowed down it's speed. we sill soon arrive at the destination. all i wished that the bus would stop i can dash out in instant. the bus stopped. finally. i was so ready to push everyone away and fly outside the bus with my embarrassment, but as soon the doors opened, he took my hand and pushed through all the people. old people rumbling and showing fists. we got outside the bus along the other students and then it continued it's way to other bus stops.

i took the hat off and gave it back to him "how did you know i would have to get out here?" he looked into my eyes with cold gaze, that made me feel even colder in this already cold weather "you were staring at my badge for awhile + this is the only school where the bus stops by" oh shoot, right. i am really out of it after this ride. "well anyways...thank you" i turned around and bolted away to school. leaving him behind, not letting to say a thing. firstly, i am almost late to class. secondly, i was too scared to hear anything. i just hope i don't bump into him anymore.