I Still Miss You 💔. By A.ZChaudhry

Chapter 51

AVELINA

I found a piece of paper wedged between Xandros's books when I took it out to read what was written on it,

Ava, my love,

Life is too unpredictable, sweetheart. But let me tell you, I love you. And I always will. From the moment I saw you in that class till this date? I have been immensely and too stubbornly been in love with you. After mom and dad, it was a foreign concept for me, it was total bullshit for me, but one look at you, one glance at you and even without saying a word? You gave me my most important thing back to me. My happiness.

I love you, Ava. I love you so much, cupcakes. I don't know where life leads us, what happens in the future as it's so unpredictable. Some people get dementia, some amnesia, some cancer etc etc etc. It is too uncertain. But what isn't and what I want you to know IN CASE I leave before you? Is that I love you more than ever. I will choose you a thousand times over even if people call me ridiculous. They don't see what I see and what I see is my whole world and happiness. Why would I choose a planet that will always keep my breath constricted and uneasy.

I want you Ava. I need you. I love you. I am so bad at words, my love, but all I can promise to you is that your husband loves you. This life is a bitch, it hurts. I know. And let me tell you, it will keep on hurting you. It never stops because death isn't punishment, life is.

Honey, you are currently 8 months pregnant and tomorrow is our gender reveal. I am quite sure lil Owie has something pretty offensive stored in his closet for us, but whatever it is? I am ready for his shit. After all, I love him and will only tolerate for when he pulls this shit off. As for you, Ava? I am proud of you, baby girl. I am so proud of you for going through so much, losing your mother, then our babies, then helping me go through the worst phases of life by being by my side. You give me strength, you give me power, you give me purpose, you give me love. And I would move the mountains for you if that is what you want. I would. In a heartbeat.

I don't care what the gender is, but as long as the baby and you are happy and healthy? That is what matters to me. Isn't it enough that we found each other, fell in love, married each other and finally made a little us? Doesn't it seem something so beautiful to you that our love created a little one who will be half you, half me. I cannot wait to see your tantrums during labour, to see the little one, cradle him/her to my chest, and I promise you, Ava. I promise you I will try to be the best dad to our baby all that I can. I promise you that no matter what, their sanity, well-being, mental health and happiness over anything. I wouldn't disappoint and remember...it's us in this. It's you and me together, baby. You aren't alone.

I don't know the future and to be really honest? I stopped trusting it. You could be alive one second and dead the next. Ava, my love, my beautiful wife, if you ever come across a phase where I am not in the picture, whether temporarily or permanent, just remember one thing and that is to never give up. Never. Keep going ahead. Keep walking. I know it seems tough, I know it seems bad and it might even get worse, no jackshit there, but cupcakes, it will get better. It will eventually get to the better view.

Per aspera ad astra. Through adversity to the stars.

It might seem the end right now, angel, but trust me, it's just the one bad patch. You can cross it and you always will.

Not to make you emotional or anything, but if I ever do fail to be in the picture some day, Ava? Be it my death or our separation or divorce for whatever jackshit reason though I doubt that, because I sure as hell ain't leaving, but even if something does happen where we both are worlds apart and can never see each other again? Always remember that I loved you and will love you. Always remember that you are the girl of my heart and you have it. You have my heart, darling....keep it. I don't need it back. It's all yours.

I love you, Ava. I so so so fucking love you. I have never loved anyone before, but you.

Until next time, cupcakes,
your forever adoring husband.

P.S. Incase I die? Then I'll keep waiting at the other end for you. Take your time here, enjoy this bitch as hell world because if you are suffering? Then suffer in style. Go live your life, enjoy all the waffles that you can get, go for all the tours that you can go onto, keep dreaming and keep aiming. Go and marry someone, Ava. Be a bride for a lucky man again if I am not here. Be with him, let go of some of your burdens, I promise I wouldn't be mad. Atleast, you would always have me as your first husband.

Live for me, and that is enough to keep me happy. I'll wait for you wherever I am and wherever you are. I wouldn't let go. I will never let go.

I will always love you, sweetheart. You're it for me.

Until next time, Meet you at the other end,
My lil bean :)

I sniffled and looked up, tears streaming down my cheeks when Xandros spoke through the doorway, a handsome smile on his face, hands tugged inside his pockets, sleeves half rolled up, his hair all ruffled just as I liked it and him leaning against the doorway, his deep and dark voice sending shivers up my spine as he whispered, quoting the last words of his letters, as his eyes gazed deep into mine, branding my soul with his next words, "I wouldn't let go. I will never let go. I will always love you, sweetheart."

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Goiz? 2 more chapters left till the epilogue. I am just not ready to say bye to these both beauties that mean the entire world to me. This was my first time writing any other book than a mafia book, and I hope, I HOPE, I did good. Lmao.

Peace.

A.ZChaudhry

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