Dear Stargirl {A TamTori Neighbor fic}

Pretty Lies

Tori loved Tamara.

She was helpless.

She had been laying on her silky bed sheets, taking her time in perfectly looping her handwriting for the most recent letter she'd send to Tamara. Tori tried to tone down the lovey-dovey-ness of it, since Tamara said it was creepy, but it was just so hard! She sighed and smiled to herself.

Tori had loved Tamara from the start. The way she acted like she was too cool for everyone else but under her visage she was secretly a dork.

She hadn't planned on Tamara knowing she was her admirer but now that they were officially dating, she considered signing under her name.

CRASH!

An echoing sound of shattering glass filled the house next door. Tori shrugged it off with little thoughts of Tamara accidentally dropping a coffee mug or plate. Something stupid like that. She snickered at the thought. Tam, Tam, Tam. She was the only subject Tori could think about.

//

It was around 10 at night when Tori caught sight of a hooded figure angrily slam the door and storm into their room.

Her lover. Best friend. Tamara. She grinned.

Tori slipped the note into a crisp candy red paper envelope. She tucked it under her pretty pink pillow and jogged over to the window.

"Evening, Kitty-boy." She tried to contain the happiness in her voice, but the letter she wrote got her thinking about all the things she truly loves about her girlfriend.

"Tori."

Tori was taken aback by the sudden icy tone that her girlfriend was talking to her in. On second glance Tamara did look different. The grey pullover hoodie with the horns (that Tori gave her!!) practically hid her face but Tori didn't miss the narrow wet lines streaking Tamara's cheeks. She was crying! But why? Tori had to figure it out and comfort her.

"Hey, are you okay?"

"Yes."

"Tam? Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"You really don't seem-"

"I'm fine." Tamara sniffled pathetically. "Really, Tori. Leave it."

Tori sank back into her room, fiddling with a glinting white fairy light. She was concerned now, maybe that crash earlier was something else.

"Tam, please. Why are you crying? Can't you tell me?"

Tamara felt a pang of guilt but immediately pushed it aside. Staying with Tori would just hurt the both of them in the end. This was like asking her whether to cut off her arms or her legs. So who needed to go? Her relationship with Tori or her relationship with her mom? Plus, the co-dependency (Tamara knows that there was no co-dependency on her part, but she's not sure about Tori) that Tamara and Tori had was unhealthy.

At least that's what she kept telling herself.

"Tori." Her voice broke.

"Tam?"

"You know we're friends."

"Um, yes?"

"That's why I'm breaking up with you."

Tori felt her heart tearing itself to shreds. Her face turned grim as she bit her bottom lip to stop it from quivering.

"What? This isn't funny, Tam."

"It's not a joke."

"But.. you love me."

"We can't be together."

"Is it your mom? Seriously, we can work this out. You don't have to be unreasonable!"

"No, Tori. I can't love you."

A liar. That's what Tamara was. Lying to and hurting everyone she was close to. Tori would understand. She didn't deserve a liar as her girlfriend.

Tori was crying. Tamara didn't think she would ever be the one to make her cry. She had never seen Tori cry before, not once, even with knowing her for so long.

Yet another reason Tori was better off without her.

Guilt and shame washed over her in a painful wave.

"We can't do this."

"Why, am I not good enough?"

"Tori. That's not what I said."

Tori's pretty eyes were watery.

"No. What did I do wrong?"

Her face was scrunched up in something akin to devastation and disappointment.

Disappointment.

"Tori. You didn't do anything. This is my choice."

"No! Tamara, why, WHY? What did I do? WHAT DIDN'T I DO?! WAS I NOT GOOD ENOUGH!? WHY ARE YOU LEAVING ME TOO!??"

Tamara averted her gaze.

"I don't understand. What do I need to do for you to stay? Why don't you love me?"

"Tori..."

"Tamara, please tell me why."

"I can't."

Tamara couldn't ignore the tears now streaming down Tori's face, clinging to her eyelashes, and leaving wet streaks on her face.

"Look at me, Tamara. Please, can't you even look me in the eye?"

Tamara shook her head, and squeezed her eyes shut. She did love Tori. But Tamara couldn't lose her mom. If she stayed with Tori, her mom would surely kick Tamara out and cut her off forever. That wouldn't work out. She would have nowhere to go. Tori's parents wouldn't let her stay with her.

And her dad. If her dad ever found out that she disobeyed her mother like that, all for a relationship... A relationship with another girl, at that... He would kill Tori and then Tamara, probably. It just wouldn't work out either way. (Tamara knew he wouldn't, he probably wouldn't even care.)

"Look me in the eyes. Look me in the eyes and tell me you don't love me, Tam."

Tamara felt her shoulders tremble violently as she stifled her sobs. Her face turned to Tori.

The girl she loves.

Loved.

The one who was now sniffling noisily, desperately wiping her tears with her red hoodie sleeve.

"I don't love you."

Tori pursed her lips and nodded tearfully.

"But I do, Tamara, Tam-Tam, please."

She quickly closed her curtains before sitting back on her bed. And then she sobbed. Breaking down, the one thing she loved most in this world, was gone. What had she done?

"And I thought you did too."

Tori was helpless.

helplessly heartbroken.