Dear Stargirl {A TamTori Neighbor fic}

Final Message

It was Christmas Eve.

Tamara never really hated Christmas, she just didn't have the same twinkle in her eyes she did when she was a child. She'd lost touch with the spirit. Besides, Christmas was a dreary time; sleet and dirty snow would cover the frozen empty streets.

She silently entered her room, cold and tired. She just got back from a brisk walk, to the waterfall. (Their waterfall.) She was hoping to see Tori, but she hadn't seen from her at all, Her room was untouched, apart from the blue envelope poking out from under the window.

Ever since she broke up with the starry eyed girl, she hadn't had even a glimpse of her.

Tamara fumbled around with the star print sleeve, inspecting the handwriting closely.

Maybe it was Tori! Or maybe her secret admirer came back.

"from Tori,"

Tamara felt her heart jump to her throat.

Maybe Tori was willing to give her another chance.   

But no, of course not, because nothing ever goes right for Tamara.

That only happens in fairy tales.

Tamara felt a cold sweat run through her body as she read the note.

Her head fiercely shook as tears quickly welled in her eyes.

"No," She cried. "No."

Her cries went unheard.

She fell to the floor in shock. It couldn't be. This was a joke. A sick joke that everyone else but her was in on.

"dear Tam,

or i guess i should call you Tamara now. i'm sorry it had to come to this. just know that it's not your fault, i would've done this anyways. i love you, so much.

it's funny that i'm crying whilst i write this. i would've thought this would be easier to write since you'd let me go.

Tamara. i adore you. you are the light of my life. i know you don't care. honestly, i'm not quite sure whether you ever cared. i like to imagine that you did.

I hate you, now, more than ever. you hurt me and made a cut deeper than anyone else ever could. I loved you, and i hate you for that. in a selfish way i hope you're hurt. i hate you but i love you so much.

being with you only delayed the inevitable. it was dumb to think that you truly loved me. Did you ever?

if you'll ever find the heart to, I hope you can forgive me

- i loved you, s.g,
your admirer,
even in death."

The neat cursive clicked. The hearts, dotted on the i's. It all made sense. Tori was her secret admirer, the sappy old idiot. She had written a hundred things she loved about Tamara  and why. She loved Tamara and Tamara had loved her, too.

Tamara couldn't speak. She was unable to feel anything except for the growing dread in her gut. Her mouth felt dry, and she couldn't hear anything other than the ever encompassing silence of her room. She hoped that it was just a cruel prank, Tori always loved to joke around. Tamara hoped that she would open her window and find Tori there, smiling and waving like she always did.

It never happened.

Tamara could still hear the television in her room droning on about something insignificant.

But then she heard those words, clear as day.

"Police found a body of a teenage girl at Starbank Woods in a small lake near a waterfall. Authorities are still investigating, but the victim has been identified as Tori Larsin."

Tamara felt sick.

Starbank Forest. The waterfall.

Tamara was just there. She was just there. On a walk.

Tamara felt sick.

She ran as fast as she could, away from her house, away from Tori's house. She was sick.

She could've saved Tori. Maybe if she was there for just a couple minutes longer, if only she had bumped into Tori while she was on the way.

But she didn't.

That didn't happen.

She didn't.

Tamara felt sick.