Dear Stargirl {A TamTori Neighbor fic}

Heartbreak Reprise

Tamara felt guilty. She always did, nowadays. But she tried her best to move on. Tori was better off without her.

But for whatever reason, Tamara just couldn't stop thinking about it.

It wasn't supposed to end like this.

The letters had stopped arriving long ago and Tori always had her curtains closed. The one upside was that Tamara's mom had been trying to repair their relationship.

It was now the 23rd of December. Tamara thought about how last year Tori and her were playing in the snow, making obscure shapes out of it. Afterward they would go home and cuddle whilst drinking hot chocolate.

She should be in the christmas spirit.

But she wasn't.

She sat on her bed, reading through her collection of notes. They were still weird, but flattering nonetheless. They made her feel somewhat better.

"78. how you can make somebody happy with only a wave and smile. stay golden, Tamara."

//

"90. the fact you care about small things. even when you don't care. details create the bigger picture."

She had been receiving the notes for over a year, but still had no clue who s.g was.

After hastily discarding the letter, she picked up her chipped guitar. She didn't know many songs but one felt right to play.

Tamara glanced at her icy window. Tori's curtains still hung, unmoving, covering her bright room.

She gave her old guitar a test strum, the strings horribly out of tune. She hadn't touched it in a good couple of months at best, years at worst.

She should get back to studying. She had a test coming up right before break (her teacher was probably a demon sent from hell, seriously, who would do that?) and she wanted a good score on it.

Tamara was absentmindedly fiddling with the strings, the sound resonating throughout the barren room. She would probably go out for a walk and then come back to take a nap.

Tamara placed her guitar under her bed. Her life was pretty pointless right now.

She would wait for the holidays to blow over and go back to school for more studying.

How boring.

//

Shattered.

Tori felt shattered.

She wasn't sure how she was going to recover from this.

How stupid.

For a time, she felt like someone. She had room to be herself with Tamara, she really didn't feel the need to please. She had never felt that way before, not with her parents, not with anyone.

Maybe she should've been better. She could've been a better girlfriend. She should've gotten Tamara more gifts, agreed with more of her plans, should've stopped teasing her.

But she didn't.

Her arms itched. She scratched at them, dug her nails into them, as hard as she could. She tried to distract herself from that thought.

It wasn't your fault. She would repeat, again and again, until the mantra burned itself into her head. She tried her best to believe it, but how could she? Knowing that she could've changed the outcome, if maybe, just maybe.

How desperate. What would Tamara think?

Her dearest, Tamara. Tamara was the one thing Tori had. The only thing Tori had. The only one that cared enough to stay for her. For Tori. Not for a fake personality she had made.

Tamara was there on that fateful night, when she was going to do it. She had unknowingly saved Tori.

Oh, the irony.

Tori pulled a sheet of star patterned paper from under her pillow.

She took her time constructing the perfect letter with her best handwriting; despite the frequent shaking in her wrist.

She barely noticed she was crying until the tears blotted the lines of the thin blue paper. Not even bothering to wipe her teary eyes, Tori signed the letter and delicately placed it in its matching star blue envelope.

Outstretching her arm, Tori left the envelope stuck under Tamara's window.

She pulled on her red hoodie and black jeans. A plain outfit she'd never usually wear.

She turned out her light and headed to her safe place.

The waterfall.