my gangster fantasies.

chapter thirty: revenge

12:00

I'm taking a nap with Junior. He has been back home for 3 days now.

JJ: mommy!

He screams, with his eyes still closed. Junior has been having nightmares and it breaks my heart, I feel like I failed him as a mother.

I shake him and he wakes up.

Uya: it's just a dream, nana.

He nods and looks at me.

Uya: do you want ice cream?

He nods again. This is not my baby, he would've jumped up and down by now. He would be making comments on small things or talking too much.

We go downstairs and give him some ice cream.

JJ: mommy?
Uya: yes baby?

I smile hoping it's something positive.

JJ: what is man trappicking?

I feel my blood boil in that moment. They were going to traffick my baby?! I take Junior to Aunty Thandazile.

I grab a pistol, pick a car and drive off. I get to the warehouse and hear screaming.

Ntsikelelo has been torturing them. Anyway, I walk inside with the pistol in my hand. I insert the bullets and set the gun. I get there and shoot one of the guys, in the chest. He is the one who took Junior from the house. He is part of our security team.

Nessa: came to join the party?! go ahead, torture me!

She says with sweat and drops of bloods on her face. She looks at me and laughs.

Uya: you find this funny?

Her laugh grows louder.

I grab a cloth from the bucket full of water in the corner. I ask one of the guards to place the cloth on her face while I pull her back by her hair and grab a water bottle from the table with weapons. I assume these weapons are the ones used to torture people. I pour the water over her face while the wet cloth is still on her face. I stop after a while and let her hair go.

I let her catch her breath before slapping her across the face.

Uya: why did you do it? WHY?!
Nessa: I hate him! I hate Junior! I hate him!
Uya: then why not leave him?
Nessa: money!
Uya: so you wanted to make money by selling my son?!
Nessa: yes!

I grab and point the pistol at her. She laughs in my face and stops to stare into my eyes.

Nessa: do it, baby girl. pull the trigger! do it!
Uya: shut up!
Nessa: pull the trigger, dammit!
Uya: stop!
Nessa: you are coward! you could never!
Uya: I will kill you!
Nessa: you are coward!
Uya: shut up!
Nessa: you're a coward! PULL THE...

And just like that, I do as she says and pull the trigger! It goes off and before I know it, she's just sitting there breathing her last breath. I place another bullet in her chest and another in her skull.

Ntsikelelo comes to me, grabs the gun and throws it on the floor. He pulls me into a hug and I just stand there in awe of what I just did.

He pulls me out to the car and hugs me really tight and I let it all out.

Uya: she hurt my baby, Ntsi. my Junior is broken, he has nightmares now.
Ntsi: I'm sorry, mama.
Uya: I failed, I failed him. I failed my baby, Ntsikelelo.
Ntsi: hu uh.
Uya: my baby!

I say as my sobs and screams fill the car.

Ntsi: look at me. baby, look at me.

He says withdrawing from the hug and lifting my chin with his finger.

Ntsi: you are a great mother, we are lucky to have you. I should have protected Junior, not you.

I just nod and continue to cry. He kisses my forehead and drives out of the warehouse. He takes us home and I'm woken up by him picking me up about an hour later. That's how far the warehouse is from our house.

He scoops me in his arms and I place my arms around his neck.

Ntsi: relax, mommy.

I do just as he says and let go of his neck. We get upstairs and we undress before getting in the shower. We take a long shower in pure silence while he keeps holding me, almost as if to reassure me of his presence.

We get out of the shower and get dressed in our pajamas. We get in bed and cuddle. After a while of staying like that, I realise that I miss my babies.

Uya: let's go and fetch JJ.

We get up from the bed, wear our slippers and head down to the cottage where we stand outside and knock. Aunty opens the door.

Aunty: you're back?
Ntsi: yes, ma.
Uya: mama, can we please take Junior?
Aunty: okay, my child. he is sleeping though.
Uya: it's okay, mama.

Ntsikelelo and I go to the bed where he is sleeping. Ntsikelelo picks him up and we go back to our room. We lock up and set the alarms. We place Junior on the bed and sleep on either side of him.

Tears just uncontrollably let themselves out. I hurriedly walk to the bathroom where I just break down and fall to the floor. Ntsikelelo walks in and says down right across from me.

He scoots closer and hugs me.

Ntsi: it's okay.
Uya: I failed him. Ntsikelelo, my baby will never be the same again.

He just lets me cry into his chest. After a few minutes, I hear Junior screaming so I run to the bed. His eyes are still closed but he's still shivering as if in need of comfort and reassurance so I just whisper into his ear that it's just a dream.

Uya: it's just a dream, baby.

I say gently brushing his hair with my hand. I cuddle him until the shaking stops. Once his body has completely relaxed, I look up at Ntsikelelo, who is standing at the door of the ensuite. I shake my head and look back at Junior.

I go downstairs and make a cup of rooibos tea. I make Ntsikelelo a cup of hot chocolate. He probably wants coffee but he drinks it too much. I head back upstairs where I grab a blanket for us and we sit on the couch.

Uya: I think he needs to see someone.
Ntsi: you both do.
Uya: I'm okay.
Ntsi: baby, you're not okay and that's okay. let me help you.

I just nod and drink my tea.

Ntsi: I think your mom should take Junior as well and have both the kids by her.
Uya: but I just go him back, Ntsi.
Ntsi: baby, he needs this. I also need you to be strong again, for us, for our kids.

I nod and wipe my tears that I didn't even realise were falling down my face.