The blue Julien Rose Baker

I Don't Know How You Do It

Tonight is the first night that me and Phoebe will be playing for Taylor's tour. After tonight I won't be on for a few shows but I'm here for Phoebe's first and last shows which will be fun! I'm in Phoebe's dressing room getting ready before I have sound check. I have my hair in braids with a few bows tying them together and I'm doing my makeup. I put on some concealer, blush, eyeliner, mascara, brow gel and my favourite lip. "Are you nervous?" Phoebe asks "uhhhh yeah" I say because it was obvious. "Pheobs, We are opening for our non-blood related mother. She is the best musician in the industry because she basically made the industry! How in the world are you not nervous?!?" I ask her "Well... of course I'm nervous! I'm just trying very hard not to be" She says, I nervously chuckle and say "yeah I know what you mean." And she turns to look at me. "Hey, you're going to do great. You always do so stop doubting yourself." She says and I sigh. "It's just nerve wracking. Like this is going to change my career in a really positive way if I do this right. I can't screw it up, otherwise I don't know what will happen to me and my love for music." I say rambling. "I don't know. Nevermind that was silly. I shouldn't have said anything." Phoebe just sits and watches me for a second before saying "you have always been so talented. I have seen you grow musically and lyrically and emotionally and you are so extraordinary that I don't know how anyone could not like you. So if you want to push yourself into the tiny box that you have set out for yourself to pretend that you fit in that's okay but I don't think that your worth just some tiny box, dude, I think your worth the world." that was the most serious thing I had ever heard Phoebe Lucille Bridgers say in her entire life and it took both of us a minute to process what she said "Also stop talking about yourself like that" and then we started to laugh. All of a sudden we hear a knock on the door. "Come in." Phoebe says and Julien strides in. "Hey Phoebe, I was just wondering when sound check was going to start...?" she says looking towards me and smiling. "Uhh it should start in about an hour? Chels has to go first and then we can start" Phoebe responds as Julien waves at me still smiling "uhhh..." she says looking between me and her. "Sound check is in an hour and a half. It's good to see you Jules" I say "yeah, you too" she says "I need some water so I'll let you two catch up." Phoebe says, walking past Julien and through the door. "I didn't know you were helping phoebe out. She said you were going to be here but I didn't realize you would be performing with her." I say. "Oh yeah I would have assumed she would have told you but I guess not." she replies. "So how are you?" I ask her "good. How are you?" she asks "I've been good. I'm kinda stressed since I love Taylor and I don't want to mess this up" I say rambling again "hey! Don't sweat it, you're gonna be just fine, in fact you're gonna do better than fine, you're going to nail it!" she says, grabbing my hands and rubbing her thumbs softly along my knuckles. I sigh "thank you Julien. I really appreciate it." i say. Her elbows are resting on her knees and we're both leaned forward looking into eachothers eyes. I swear her eyes glance down at my lips but only for a small moment. I stand up and go to kiss her head but she looks up at me and instead I catch her lips in mine. She kisses me back immediately and reaches behind me to deepen it but I pull away, the kiss lasting way to long in the first place as it was only meant to be a kiss on her head. "Oh my god I'm so sorry!" she says "oh it's fine. Um... I think it's time for my sound check" I say looking towards the door to see Phoebe standing in the doorway staring at us both with her water bottle in her hand. "Shit" I whisper and I walk out of the room passing Phoebe on my way out. Sound check goes by quickly I think even though I'm not even thinking about it. When I get off stage I rush to my dressing room instead of Phoebe's. When I look up from the floor I see Taylor Swift sitting on the vanity. "Hi Chelsea! It's very good to finally meet you." She says. " Hi! This is crazy. I can't believe this is happening." I mutter under my breath. "Is everything okay? you seemed a little out of it when you first walked in" She asks "Oh um yeah just you know trouble with romantic shit I mean stuff" I correct "All good you can swear around me. Hahaha!" She says "do you want to talk about it?" She asks "oh you probably have a lot to do, I don't want to burden you or anything." "No, I can make time!" She says. Holy shit I'm about to have Girl talk with Taylor Fucking Swift. "Okay! Um so Me and Phoebe have been friends our entire lives and I fell in love with her band mate Julien and I was have a bit of a nervous break down earlier and Julien was helping me through it and I went to kiss her on the top of the head in like a thank you kind of way but then we kissed like on the lips and I fucked it up and I'm rambling I'm sorry I do that a lot." I say and she giggles. "Well I think you should talk to Julien about it. It's best to not ignore those kinds of things especially when you do want to be more than just 'Phoebe's best friends that secretly like each other'" she says "thank you Taylor. I really appreciate it" I say "no problem! I have had a lot of experience in this department." she says winking at me "if you need anything else just message me and I'll try my best to be of service! Now I have to finish getting ready but I hope that you and Julien work out! Love you!" she says, bringing me in for a hug "I love you too!" I say, hugging her tightly and then she was gone. She was like my fairy godmother and I really did love her. Soon I was back on stage performing and then almost as soon as I was on the stage I was off of it. I pull out my phone and message Julien saying that we should talk. I go out to the Vip area and watch Phoebe's set. After about half an hour of Phoebe's set Julien and Lucy come on stage. I could pull my eyes away and neither could she. We couldn't get enough of each other but I had to pull my eyes off of her. I looked at Phoebe who was smiling at me and Julien and was trying to hold in a laugh. Phoebe's show soon finishes and I have a few minutes of time where I can talk to Julien. It was almost as if she ran out of her dressing room because all of a sudden I look over and Julien was next to me. "Hi." she says "hey" I say back "I'm sorry for whatever that was back there but I didn't mean to kiss you at all." technically I did but just not her lips. " I feel bad, like I just fucked up our whole friendship and I don't want that to be the case." I finish talking and she says "It's okay. I feel bad to, like it was kind of my fault but we can just forget about it if that's what you'd prefer." she says, with pain in her eyes "yeah I think that would be best." I say sadly. "Great! it's forgotten. Never even happened" She says as Taylor comes up onto the stage. Phoebe and Lucy have joined us and I walk over to them. The rest of the show is kind of a blur because I'm shattered but I have more in the future.

a/n: double update this week. mama Taylor is in this chapter. I hope you enjoyed the rollercoaster that this chapter was.  please stay hydrated. I love you all! mwah!!!