What Are We? Romanogers

17. Scarry Nights

Another nightmare. Steve stepped out of his bed and took the elevator to the gym of Stark tower.

He carried a punching bag and hung that to the chain connecting the ceiling. " Jarvis, activate sound-proof system. "

" Sure, Captain. " The AI responded and made sure that the banging noise wouldn't disturb others.

Steve sighed and started punching mercilessly, minutes turned into hours, he didn't stop until his knuckles started bleeding when the punching bag burst opened with his final blow.

The Avengers are staying at Stark tower since few weeks, except Thor, as he went back to his planet after spending some days on earth.

Steve feels good, not being alone all the time. Especially in day hours, he feels relaxed. Because majority of his days he spends around Natasha. They were mission partners, but it seems like they took the partner term quite seriously, as they've become practically inseparable.

They train together, go to mission together, one wouldn't have food until the other arrives, now they were not just colleagues, they say they're bestfriends. Natasha helps him to catch things up which he'd missed during his sleep in ice, movies, musics, especially FRIENDS series. He started enjoying more than he'd expected. Over all, 14 to 16 hours of the day goes so well, he gets trouble the rest 8 hours while trying to sleep.

Without Natasha by his side, the painful memories of Aliana ghosts in his mind and he couldn't get himself out from those restraints. One night he tried to distract himself by spending some time in gym. And it became a habit now. He couldn't get an hour of sleep unless he becomes completely axhausted. Morning around 3 or 4, he goes to bed and wakes up at 6, drenched in cold sweats, with heavy breathing.

He sat in the usual dusty chair and cleaned up his bruises on his knuckles. He tried to cover it when he heard the sliding door opened and someone walked in.

" Can't sleep?"

Of course, it's Sam. He just shook his head with a sigh.

" Destroyed another bag?" Sam chuckled and sat across him.

" I can't leave this addiction, Sam."

He nodded," It's not healthy, you know that, right?" Steve nodded. " I asked you that you can talk to me about your issues, with PTSD and nightmares. But you don't want any of our teammates to know about it. Then I'd suggest you again, get some help. Talk to someone. Open up your feelings. "

Steve looked at him feeling guilty. " Sam, it's not like I don't trust you. But... I can't let those buried wounds resurface again."

Sam looked at him in concern," Then simply, take a first step. Who's this Aliana? Did you love her?" He opened his mouth to snap at him but he interrupted," I know you told me not to mention this name to anyone. But dude, this will eat you inside. Did you love that girl? Before ice?"

He was for some minutes. " Yeah. "

" Are those feelings like some burden for you?"

Steve shook his head," No. "

" Then cherish them instead of hurting yourself because of them. " He smiled and patted his back. Steve nodded and both left to their respective rooms.

It's Christmas week, so the team planned to have dinner outside. When they came out of the restaurant, they saw its snowing in the late night. Natasha had forgotten her coat so Steve offered his jacket, she accepted it with a smile and they climbed into their car and left.

The whole  ride, she can't help but glance at Steve again and again, because for some reason, his body has gone stiff. He was not talking, not even looking at others. He had his head leaning back on the seat and had closed his eyes.