|| Uninvited || An Anakin Skywalker Story

Chapter Seventeen

Anakin didn't show up to training that night.

And then he didn't show up the next night, or the night after that, or the night after that.

By the fifth night with no sign of Anakin. I found myself lugging the dummy out into the center of the training mat by myself. Frustrated and perturbed, I told myself I didn't need him to keep training. I let out a huff when I finally set up the dummy and took a step back, eyeing the faceless mass that vaguely resembled a human body.

I began to gently shake out my arms, warming them up and getting prepared to take out my irritation on the unsuspecting dummy in front of me.

The aggravation was certainly enough to fuel me, however the real reason I needed an outlet was because of the fear that clawed at me. I couldn't focus on anything else.

I knew I had gone too far by invading both Padme and Anakin's privacy during the senator banquet. Anakin was correct to be angry at me. However, was he so angry that he wanted nothing more to do with me?

When he had left the conversation, I didn't get the sense that he was so pissed off he didn't want to see me. But perhaps with more reflection, he saw more clearly and didn't feel quite so forgiving. I wished I could explain myself, express my true regret, beg for forgiveness.

I cringed internally at how pathetic I felt by Anakin's lack of presence and attention. This was the unfortunate result of me allowing my heart and happiness to depend on time spent with him. Without Anakin in my life, I found I had nothing to look forward to. I was flung back into a life of monotony and meaningless tasks. I couldn't bear the thought of reverting back to this painful normal. I mentally scolded myself for becoming so pitifully attached.

What if he never speaks to me again? The rising panic burned through my stomach at the thought as I wrapped my hands the way Anakin had shown me, preparing to hit something. I needed a way to channel the anxiety away and out of my body.

So, I let my fists fly. With a flurry of jabs, hooks, uppercuts and blocks, I focused on my target. Hitting and hitting until my arms felt like jelly. And even then I kept going, enjoying the physical burn which eventually overrode my mental anguish.

Sweat began to trickle down my forehead, I wiped away at it quickly and began to incorporate footwork. Shifting my weight and rolling from one side to the next as if to avoid my imaginary foe. I kept going until I was doubled over, gasping for air.

I felt my legs wobble beneath me, so I leveled myself down to the floor and leaned back up against the dummy. I sat there, staring forward at nothing in particular, allowing my breath and heart rate to return to a more stable pace.

I wasn't even sure how long I had been going at it. It could have been five minutes; it could have been over an hour. My body seemed to override my mind. And I was grateful for the momentary reprieve.

But now as I sat here, with nothing but the sound of my ragged breaths filling the room. I was reminded of how painfully alone I am. I squeezed my eyes shut to prevent the tears that were pricking at the corner of my eyes. Why did everyone I care about end up either dead or gone with no explanation? My parents, Payto, and now Anakin.

It wasn't fucking fair.

I brought my hands up to my head as my fingers raked through my hair, pulling at the roots in frustration.

"Five days. It's only been five days." I muttered, trying to ground myself in the reality that Anakin truly hadn't been gone that long. It's too early to jump to conclusions...right?

I hated that I had no way to contact him or even figure out where he went. But I didn't even see him around the temple during the day. It was as if he had just vanished into thin air. My logical brain tried to explain it away...perhaps he was called back onto a mission, or maybe he was needed elsewhere in the more restricted areas of the temple, or maybe he just wanted to catch up on sleep. I knew I wasn't necessarily owed an explanation, but stars I wish I had one.