I am the Fire

Chapter 11

I tried to open up my eyes again. This time I managed to do that. I've looked around and I saw all band members gathered in my room and Per holding me tight. I've more felt him than see him, but there cannot be any mistake. He was there. Why? I tried to turn my head to see him. He was there. His head buried in my hair. When he felt movement of my head, he looked at me and his face...he looked like he just expirinced some kind of trauma. What the Hell happened. He moved his hand to touch my cheek and caressed it. His eyes...I saw in them so much pain. I was confused like never before in my life. I was dying or what? I took his hand which caressed my face and looked at him with question in my eyes. Suddenly all talks in the room went silent. They all were looking at me. Mountain rushed from the room, rest of them stayed froze.
"Everybody out." I heard Per's voice. He meant it. Everyone started to leave and he hugged me even more.
"Lillian, sweetheart, how are you feeling?" He asked.
"Little dizzy. What happened?" I asked regaining more strenght and sitting in my bed.
"You have fainted. Doc was here to exmine you. You'll be fine. You need a lot of rest, that's most important now. Do you need anything?"
"Yes. I need answers. What exactly happend?" I asked still not really aware of my situation.
"Can we talk about it later? When you'll recover fully? I insist." He said and cuddled me more.
What kind of alternate reality was that?
"Per, just please, tell me." I used his real name in pourpuse. "I've got right to know."
He sight.
"Doc said that you've got heart contition and you have to take pills for next two weeks. Rain just went to get them." He stopped there.
"What heart condition, I've never had heart problem before!"
"It seems that you had a lot of stress latley and general, in life that your heart didn't handle it." He said moving himself from me. 'No! Please, don't do that! I need you near me!' With that I shook my head off. Was it because of my thoughts right before it all started to happen? That's the joke of my life...The person I need the most in my life, that thought of him not being in my life caused all of this?!

"I'll give you some space. I don't want to hurt you." I've heard Per was saying. 'What?! No, don't please!' I've fall into the pillows feeling that I'm gonna faint again. Somehow I didn't. I just said "Please, don't go. I need you." He looked at me in shock like I just asked him to kill me. Wtf?! And yet, he leaned over me, checked on blankets and layed down.
"If that's what you need, I'll stay. But whenever you want me to back off, tell me. I don't want to make things worse." He said and I was confused even more. What is he talking about?
"What do you mean 'back off'?" I asked, it didn't really matters what he'll think about me right now. Not to mention about my defence mechanism which should turn on. It didn't work. I've felt safe. Like never before in my life.
"You've fainted after all that happened. It's of course my fault and I don't want you to faint again. I won't be bothering you again." He said like it was his life mission to stay away from me. Satanas, what he's thinking about? How he can be reason of that faint? He's the reason I woke up!
"Per, what are you talking about?" I asked as I didn't understand fucking thing.
"I'm sorry that I brought you a lot of stress with that thing at your apartment and with that...other stuff. I'm dumb sometimes. I never meant to upset you. I've couldn't have. You're the light in those dark walls." He said within' one breath. I am what?!
Did he took same drugs meanwhile or I still didn't wake up and I'm dreaming?
"What the Hell are you talking about?" I've asked and drifted again.

Sodo's POV:
What have just happened? No no no, she just fainted again? Dear Satan, what have I've done? Where's Rain with that fucking medicine? I have to wake her up.
"ShadowMoon, Lillian please wake up!" I screamed at her. No reaction. I've heard knocking.
"Come in!" I shouted. Copia opened up the door and walked in.
"I heard ShadowMoon...What happened?! I've heard she woke up." He said and stopped in the middle of the room.
"I don't know. She was wake up. Even sat on the bed. She asked what happend to her, I told her and that she'll be fine and I apologized for being a dick and that I'll back off, and she wanted me to stay and I apologized for all the stress she was went through because of me. She asked what I am talking about and fainted again." I made story short and looked at Cardi with some questioning sight.
"Och, dear Dew...You've got all this wrong..." Cardi said.
"What the fuck are you talking about? It was me who snapped at her in her apartment and made her feel unwelcome and all that stuff." I said with guilt.

"My little Fire Ghoul changed so much..." Copia started and I looked at him like he was just born. "That's so much not you, taking the blame. It was always everybody else, never you and look where we are now. You're taking the blame for one thing you didn't cause." The Hell I didn't. I was the only one who gave her hard time. Cardi looked at me with that serious look in his eyes and said:
"You are the one she wanted be strong for. She's got such great feelings for you." He said looking me straight in the eye.