I am the Fire

Chapter 24

Warning! May contain sensitive content!

3rd POV:
ShadowMoon ran out from Sodo's room. One thing she could think about was those eyes and his harsh and unfair jugdement. Fun? Really? All those troubles because of fun? Meanwhile, Sodo in his room was standing in the middle and rage was taking over him. He grabbed first thing nearby and smashed it on the floor. ShadowMoon heard the noise. She trembled. She was praying to Satan for strength. She must have to talk to Cardi. She peeked out of her room and seeing that passage was clear she ran into Cardi's office. She knocked and with 'come in' she walked inside.
"Ach, ShadowMoon. Are you alright? You don't look fine. Come, please, sit. What can I do for you?" Cardi asked with concern
"Cardi, I'm so sorry..." she started and with that her eyes filled with tears again.
"Och shit! ShadowMoon, what happened? Fuck!" He didn't know what to do. He handed her box of tissues. "Tell me what's wrong, dear." He said sitting next to her.
"I...I'm sorry Cardi, I can't stay. I'd love to. You can't imagine how much I would. I guess Sodo was right from the beginning that I...you shouldn't offer me that position and I shouldn't take it. But I didn't know...I didn't know..." She was broken. That pain was too much.
"Shhh...tell me everything. Why you can't stay?" He asked calmly.
"I...it's because I'm too fucked up. I've got my issues and it wouldn't be a problem but that thing...I can't be with Sodo and after what we shared, I can't stay here and live with him across corridor, see him every single day and..." With that she cried out loud in pain.
"Och my...come on, ShadowMoon, now now." He tried to calm her down. "I've got one question, or two actually." He looked at her with curiousity. "I know you've got your issues, I'm not pressing you to tell anything. But do you let them to mess in your life for much longer? And second, do you love Sodo?" Two simple questions. She sat there with messed up make up, pain in her chest and totally empty mind. After few seconds she said:
"Issue is more complicated than just making decision. I know as long as that man is alive, I won't be able to fully breath. And I'm not sure that I'll be even after his death." She said just like a robot. She was an empty vessel at that moment. If she wouldn't swich into that mode, she'll have another panick attack. "And yes, I love him more than anyone in this world. That's why I can't let him live with someone so broken and damaged like me." She said with almost the same tone. Cardi was shocked. How she must've been hurt if she wasn't able to let go what happened and even death maybe not the solution? At least she loved Sodo and that might be game changer.
"Don't you see, darling, that decision is his and only he can or can't live with it?" He just asked. "That would be very unfair if you'll make that decision for him, don't you think?"
"I can't. I can't talk about it."
"Ok, fine. How about this? Stay for few more days and maybe try to explain it to Sodo through the letter. It may be easier for you to write it down than say it." He sighed "We really don't want you to quit. But what's more important, believe me dear, my heart would break if the two of you split. You two are perfect together. I would love to see my Fire Ghoul finally happy. Really happy. And I would like the same for you. Would you at least try?" He asked with that little accent. She was buried deep into her thoughts, thinking that maybe she could somehow write it all down, but Sodo hated her so much now, that he'll probably never even read that letter.
"I could try. But there's one, rather big problem. Sodo is currently so pissed off at me that he'll never even open an envelope with that letter if I will manage to write it."
"Believe me, love. He will read it. He's a Fire Ghoul. He hates very much, but he loves with everything he has." With that Cardi hugged her tightly and she left his office. She went to her room totally buried deep within' her thoughts. She turned into corridor where all of theirs rooms were and she bumped into someone. She just mumbled "Sorry" and didn't even look. From her thoughts awake her that voice sayin:
"Look where you going, bitch." She could recognize this voice everywhere. She shrinked. Didn't even look at him.
"I'm so sorry." she just repeated and ran into her room. So that's how it's gonna be now if she'll stay for another few days and suddenly bump on him? Not so long ago she was "love" not "bitch"...it will be harder than she thought.

She went into her room and found a paper. She started writing. With difficulty, but with every word it became easier and shortly words started fload from her. "I was 7, maybe 8 years old when that monk in the monastery invited me into his chamber. As soon as I stepped inside and doors were close he positioned me on his lap and put his hand into my panties sayin that I can't tell anyone because if I will, something bad will happen..." she started facing her worst nightmare having in mind that she's doing it for the most important thing and person in her life...