I am the Fire

Chapter 23

"Cardi, seriously, can't it wait until she'll be awake again?" I asked still looking into a room.
"For Satan's sake. Sodo. I know somethings going on. I don't want details, I want to know what's going on and how serious it is." Copia said.
"Fine. I know she's got some issuses from her early years.

Looks like she still didn't worked it out. I don't know what it was. I've noticed that something was fucked up that first night after the Ritual but it all was so blurred and unsure. That's why I asked you to let me take care of her. Now, is that enough for now?" I asked getting more and more anxcious. Copia looked at me and just said
"It's not that I'm mad or nosy. Or anything like that. I must know so I can coordinate everything." With excusing note in his voice. I calmed down a bit, realizing that it's obvious he didn't want to be rude.
"I know man, I'm sorry. It scares me, you know? I can't loose her now. I know you want only to things as they should be and in order. I'm sorry..." My voice started to tremble. Cardi got closer and closed me in a hug.
"I can't imagine what you're going through, but I'm more than sure everything will be fine. Have faith. He'll not let anyone take her away from you now." Cardi said and I understood very well what he meant. I walked in to her room. Girls were cooling her down. I looked at them and nodded with graditiued for their help. And here we are again. I'm sitting on her bed, she's out of it, me gripping her hand praying to sweet Lucifer for her to wake up. And for answers. I can't help her without that. Something triggers some of her traumatic memories and that's where I should start. She started to waking up few minutes later.
"What's going on? What happend?"
"Hey, hey...you're fine. Just breath." I said. Focusing on her. She's awake, thank Satan. "You're fine, love. You're fine." I said
"For fuck's sake...I thought I'm going to die this time." She said and layed back in her bed. I looked at the rest of the band letting them know that it's fine and I've got this from now on.
"What happened? What did I do this time?" I asked
"It's not you." She mumbled "It's me. I'm just too fucked up." And with that she turned away.
I sat there didn't really know what to think.
"Lilly, there's nothing we can't work out together." I said and tried take her hand. She didn't let me.
"Can you please leave me?" She asked quietly
"Wha...why? We agreed that we have to talk to each other." I reminded her trying be calm.
"I can't. I'm sorry." That was all she said. I was sitting there not really sure what I should do.  

I got up slowly and left the room with my head down. Suddenly everything started to tremble. While ago everything was fine. Was great and with one question some drama started again. I don't understand a thing. I went to my room and laid down with some music in the background. It always helped me to think. Few hours later someone was knocking on my door. I said to come in and looked at the them. She was there, still little pale. I looked at her and wanted to walk to her. But she just asked
"I would like to take my things." I looked at her again with disbelif. She's been crying. Her eyes were red and puffy. No no no, it's not what I'm think it is.
"Why would you take your things?" I wanted answers. "Why did you cry? I see from here that you've been crying." She looked at her hands again. She always does that when she's in stress.
"It won't work, Per." There you go. She said it. And I've felt sharp ache in my chest.
ShadowMoon's POV:
I can't. It won't work. With all that burden I've got situations like that will be happening and he'll not stop asking questions. There was a reason why I was avoiding serious relationships. I didn't have to answer questions like that. But for the first time I thought I found a person with whom I could build something good. For the first time I've felt safe with a man. When he was holding me in his arms, I've felt home and safe. I slept. Like I've never had in years. I thought that maybe with time, he'll stop asking or I'll be ready to share that story. Looks like I've miscalculated. I've felt something wet on my face. Am I crying? I haven't cry in years. Great. Doesn't matter. I know what I have to do. I've packed things that have been in my room but I still had to get rest of it from Per's room. That will be torture...I knocked to his door and when I heard 'come in' I just took a deep breath and walked in.
"I would like to take my things." I said. Then the hardest part begins. Whys. I could only say
"It won't work, Per." Damn, I'm crying again. I started to collecting my things around his room. He stood there, didn't move an inch. I knew he was hurt. Few moments later he moved so quick that I didn't even see the movement. He appeard right in front of me and pinned me into the wall exactly how he did in my apartment.
"What do you think you're doing?" He asked with dangerously low voice.
"Packing my things." I whispered.
"You're leaving?"
"Yes, I'll go tell Cardi when I'll finish. You'll be able to find someone before european tour. I'm sure that there's a lot people who will be more than happy to do that." I said and tried to pass him. He didn't let me.
"So that's how it is. You had your fun. Convinced me that you're different, but in the end it's the same story. Big love, hm?" He asked and let me go. He was harsh, but I saw that pain in his eyes. My heart was falling into pices.