I am the Fire

Chapter 12

He's more insaine that I am. How could she has feelings for me if I was the main cause of her stress?
"Are you drunk?" I asked
"Och no! You know that I don't do that often. Especially when someone we care about so much is in that state." He said completley serious.
"Well, it's not my story to tell, so I'll leave you with what I said earlier. It's not your fault. She'll tell you that when she'll be awake. And on her own right time. Now, stay with her and take care for her." With that Copia stood up and walked away.

ShadowMoon's POV:
I've fall into black abyss again. It was just me and my thoughts. I wanted very hard to wake up and finally finish our talk with Per, but I couldn't. Why the Hell he thinks it's his fault? He was nothing but nice to me. Well, except that one time. But I thought that after our talk at the airport we've closed up this subject. What other thing he was talking about? So many fucking questions and I can't ask them. That's annoying. I have to try harder. I've tried to find a way back and after few tries I've finally made it. I started to hear what was going on around me. I knew he was still there. I felt him and his fastened breath. Someone knocked and he answered annoyed
"What now?!"
Doors must have open and I heard I assume Rain
"I've got those pills. What happened? She was waking up." He asked with concern.
"Yeah, she was. But it happened again." Sodo sad sadly.
"Wanna talk?" Rain asked quietly.
"I really don't know. Everything changed so quickly. I know I've might been an asshole, but tried my best to make it up to her. And than, when I apologized she's asking what I'm talking about and than Cardi started with this...idea it's not my fault and she'll tell when she'll be ready."
'Because it's not your fault, dummy.' I thought. 'At least not in that way.' I have to open my eyes, I have to speak. I thought really hard again. That wasn't easy either.
"Maybe it's not you, as Cardi said."
"How it cannot be? Look, Rain, she's been through some kind of hell, I know it. I've figured when we first talked. I even thought that she'll tell me, as you know, I'm her idol." Wait. What? He still thinks about it? Why...what's about my past that he can't just let go?
"But I'm afraid that's all I will ever be to her. Band mate maybe, with a lot of luck. Nothing more." He added almost whispering. Now I wanted to scream.
"I understand buddy." Rain said calmly."Maybe that can be changed with time." He added
"No, I have to stay away from her. I've made enough damage." Sodo replied.
With that I opened my eyes and tried to yell at him, but only silent "Idiot" came ot of my mouth.
They both looked at me with suprise.
"ShadowMoon, are you ok?" Rain asked first with great concern.
"I am. Just little thirsty." I said. He rushed for a water. I looked at Per and repeated "Idiot."
He looked like he just saw a ghost (;)).
"I'm glad you're awake." He said ignoring what I just said. "You must be confused and tired. I should leave." He said quickly.
"No. Please. Don't leave." I asked. Meanwhile Rain got back with bottle of water and quickly as possible disappeared to let us talk.
"We've got a lot to talk about Per." I said. Again using his real name pointing that talk would be serious. He stiffed, but stayed.
"I don't want you to faint again. I'll call girls to come and stay with you."
"No. I'll have plenty of time to talk with the girls." I've said.
"At least take your pills." He pointed at the night stand and took it. I've been a good girl, took my medicine and looked him in the eyes.

"What were you talking about before I drifted again?" I asked "What backing off? I've never felt more where I should be than here with all of you and you helping me with all that stuff with moving, whole journey here, telling me what I need to know about my duties, showing me that beautiful place we were in the forest." I started to counting all those good things he did to me.
"Yeah, but..." He stared but suddenly stopped. "I scared you at the apartment."
"You apologized." I said without hesitation. "I thought that's closed case." He looked at me quickly right into my eyes.
"You forgave me?" He whispered
"Of course I did, why would I not? Why would I cling into that?"
"I compared your name to Lilith..." I couldn't believe what I heard. And that's what all this fuss is about?
"And what's wrong with that?" I asked completley not knowing why would that, I don't know, make me angry, sad? Whatever he thought about it. He lifted his head like I gave him some unexpected news.
"You're not bother?"
"Why I should be? I said I take it as a compliment." His head went down again.
"It's just because everyone are afriad when I mention any satanic stuff." He said slowly.
"Yeah, well. Satan, Lilith, Baphemot, Lucifer...none of them never did any harm to me. Why should I freak out?"
"Who harmed you?" He asked and his eyes became sharp like he saw his prey.
"No no no, we're not going there." Again, mentally kick in my butt.

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A/N Something's gonna clear out at last. And that's start for unveiling more secrets and feelings. Stay safe!