Scarlett and/or Florence x reader imagines
will mostly be teenage female reader
and I'm not from an English speaking country so the spelling isn't gonna be correct all the time but feel free to correct me if so ;)
and i'm very new to this so please...
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Request from @LilacTiger21 hope you like it
Trigger warning ⚠️: Self harm. I have put a "⚠️" where in the story I explain the moment so if you want to skip that please do if it makes you feel triggered or uncomfortable in any way. And if you can't handle the subject you can skip the whole one shot. I don't want to trigger anyone❤️
Y/n pov: I'm currently on set, filming the black widow movie. I'm not shooting any scenes today, but I love to be on set anyway. It's so much more quiet here than it is at home. And I don't necessarily mean the surroundings, because trust me it can be noisy here, especially when the equipment is on and everyone is shouting. But I'm not talking about that kind of loudness. I'm talking about the loudness in my head.
When I'm here, on set, I don't feel the loud rage and sadness that I do when I'm home. You see, at my home it can be really loud too. My mom and dad are fighting so much these days. Especially my mom, I honestly think she's angry all the time at this point. I don't think there goes a single fucking day when she's not mad at me or my dad or both.
She hasn't always been this way but slowly over the years it has just gotten worse and worse. As I mentioned mom and dad is always fighting over the stupidest things, I don't even think they have a reason most of the time they just get annoyed with each other and when I get home they build up all their rage towards each other on me instead, it's like they aren't mad at each other anymore and instead team up and put it on me.
And when you live in an angry house that rage builds up inside of you too. It's nothing you can prevent, it's all you know. In the past when the rage and sadness took over I usually just took something sharp and dragged it across my arm. It's how I get the anger out. I haven't done that in a while though. Since we started filming, I can't go around with scars on my arms, and I knew that when I got the roll for the movie so I stopped with the cutting in time for the scars to heal so I didn't have to explain to anyone.
The good thing is that my scars fade kind of quickly so you can't really see them when they heal. Sometimes I like it and sometimes I get the feeling like I need to make new ones when they fade because otherwise I did them for nothing. I'm not sure how to explain it but for work purposes I like that they fade fast but something in me hates that it doesn't even leave a mark.
But the thing is when it happens, I'm inside this little rage bubble of my own, and so I can't really stop it. Not until I realize what's actually happening and by then it's too late. I have this app called sober, it tracks how many days I've been free from sh. When it does get too loud in my head, I have an app called calm harm. It gives ideas on what I can do instead of harming myself, and it's been working pretty well.
It's getting late and it's starting to get to the point where I gotta head home. Since the set is about 20 minutes away from my home, I have to call one of my parents to see if one of them can pick me up. I'm not so famous yet that I have personal drivers or something so when I want to get somewhere I have to call for a ride.
