BRIGHT STAR // Tsukasa Angst

God-Ish

Tsukasa was, frankly, exhausted. His head was buried in his knees. Currently, he was sitting on his bed. Its been about 2 days since he talked to Saki, and she forced him to stay away from school.

Was it that he was too weak? No. 'She's just a caring sister'. He tried to convince himself, but he couldn't help but think that his pigtailed sibling was being a little over cautious. 

She kept peeking her head in his room every 5 minutes or so with a worried expression- and whenever she talked to him it sounded like she was stepping on glass. One small wrong turn could break everything.

Speak of the devil. He heard Saki tap her acrylic nails on the door nervously as she poked her head in. "Wah....Onii-Chan, its lunch time. Do you want me to make you something?"

Tsukasa felt bad enough having to be made lunch, and not getting up to make it himself, but he was too tired. So he silently nodded his head, and that was all it took for Saki to leave.

He didn't know what to do.  He didn't want the whole day to go to waste. He felt like he needed to do something. 'But what?' Tsukasa asked himself that over and over again.

"Hey- Saki." He heard Saki run up the stairs, and in short time she was at the balcony. "Yes, Tsukasa?" She hasn't called him that in a while. It feels unnatural.

"Im going to go to the CD Store." He lifted himself off his bed, the springs creaking and bouncing. Saki looked at the ground, supposedly unsure.

"Hmm.. Ok. Bring your lunch with you." Saki held out her hand, and Tsukasa grabbed it. Silence was all that was breathed as they walked down the stairs together.

Its been so long since he's actually treated Saki like a sibling he could trust. Before he was the one stepping on glass. One small turn and she could have an outlash- like she did in the hospital. He hated that feeling.

Saki gave him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in a ziplock bag, as well as some orange slices. It felt like when he was 5 again, when his parents were still home most of the time. 

"You have fun- I'll be here." She didn't tell him to come back in an hour, or to stay in a budget. He hated this new Saki. It felt like she stuffed her mouth with tissues whenever she was going to say something that could be the tiniest bit offensive.

"Alright, I will be back soon." Tsukasa mumbled the last part, then closed the front door. As he walked down the sidewalk with his lanky shoulder bag, eating his sandwich, it felt abnormal.

So many people gave him concerned or judgmental looks. But none of them came up to him (he was grateful for that. very, very grateful).

Before he knew it he was at the colorful glass door of the CD Store. The same employee stood behind the counter, reading a magazine.

As he opened the door a bell chimed, and the employee looked up. Immediately she slammed the book shut, not even marking the page, and sat up with a straight posture.

"Hello, Mr. Tenma!" She smiled with her teeth. It looked good on her. "I hope our collection of CD's reach your expectations!" She seemed to relax a little after saying that.

He nodded and smiled weakly. Even though they just met, he already felt like he could pour his heart out for this girl.

No, its just employee charm. Tsukasa walked over to the Magazine section (magazines in a cd store?), which was right next to the employee desk.

He could feel the girls eyes burning into the back of his head as he scanned the pages of a baking magazine. He looked at her through his overgrown bangs, and she had a concerned look on her face.

Tsukasa jumped when, on the soft speaker, the opening to one of his band songs played. The employee seemed embarrassed.

Tsukasa turned his back from the employee when a tear dripped down his face. The song continued on. Its like, back then, he didn't have a care in the world.

It took him a minute to notice that he was sitting on the floor, facing the wall. He wanted to get up, but he felt glued to the stupid tiles.

He heard the creak of an office chair, and soon the girl was behind him. She started to rub circles into his back, and he broke down into soft crying.

Why the actual fuck was he crying to a poor CD store employee? What was wrong with him? Yet, her soft breathing and circles felt just like Saki's.

He couldn't stop himself from leaning on the poor girl slightly. She let out a surprised yelp, yet soon went quiet again.

"M-Mr.Tenma....may I please ask what is wrong?" After she muttered that, the cheery song he knew as Glory Steady Go finished. 

The radio clicked, and to his dismay another song of his started to play. It didnt help that him and Rui were the ones singing KING. Why couldn't they have used Emu and Nene's cover?

"I..Im so sorry..." Tsukasa sobbed, his head hitting the wall. He turned his glare to the poor employee, and was surprised to see a relaxed expression on her face.

"Im used to comforting...people like you. Its okay to let it out, Im right here." And with that fresh tears poured like a surging river out of his eyes.

He's already done this with Saki, crying with his head in her lap as she curled her fingers around his blonde hair. Why is he doing this again? Wasn't he done? 

"I..I don't know why im still sad...I already-already talked to someone...why do I still feel like this..." The employee hesitated to pull his long bangs away from his eyes, but did it anyway.

His eyes were rubbed an angry red, his bottom lip quivering a little. Tear after tear streaked down his cheek. He hated how ugly and red his face got when he cried. He looked like a child.

"Look...how about I walk you back home..a-and we can exchange numbers and stuff..unless you don't want to!" If she hadn't comforted him like before, she would sound like a normal fan that was hesitant for an autograph.

But right now, she was a friend. So he let her help him get up, let her walk him out of the store. During the short walk back, everything was actually quite a blur. 

He didn't know if it was because of the aching headache from crying, or from emberassment and shame. He knows he should not be doing this.

Yet he didn't give a fuck.