Her Voice 2 [JENLISA]

Chapter 36

Jennie

I felt a presence coming closer to me. Standing still, I refused to acknowledge whoever it was. From the corner of my eye, I saw it was Irene. She had a silk purple robe on, with baby Suho cuddled to her chest. His eyes were closed as he quietly nursed, his chubby cheeks hollowing as he suckled. He really was the cutest thing ever.

Irene and I stood together silently, both of us staring into the night. A light breeze encompassed the balcony as we stood outside. Crickets could be heard, the moon shone in the darkened skies, and the stars lit its path. The moon and the stars had the same story. The light to the darkness, while holding cracks of their own. Yet all we’d see was beauty. Our eyes didn’t acknowledge their flaws.

How ironic it was.

“Can’t sleep?” Irene broke the silence first.

“Not really,” I sighed.

“You can talk to me if you want. You know that.”

My lips pressed together, and I closed my eyes. How…how do I tell her…when I didn’t know what I was feeling myself?

I wanted to say I was okay…but I wasn’t.

I was happy…but I also wasn’t.

The mix of emotions boiled inside of me, and I feared it’d spill over and burn everyone in its path.

How could I explain it, how could I explain what I didn’t even know myself…the inexplicable? Rubbing my closed eyes, I tried to suppress the groan of frustration.

“You’re hurting. Lisa is hurting,” Irene whispered.

My eyes snapped open, and I faced her. The breeze blew a little harder, messing our hair. I tucked my wild tresses behind my ears. “She spoke with you?”

Irene shook her head, slightly bouncing baby Suho in her arms at the same time. “No. She doesn’t have to. I can see it on her face.”

I sucked at my bottom lip and swallowed the lump in my throat. “You know her a lot.” I didn’t mean for it to come out like that, but there was a hard edge in my voice. Even I heard it. Irene did too.

Nobody spoke to the Queen in that tone. Not even if it wasn’t intentional.

But Irene didn’t indulge in it. “I know her, yes. But I also know pain when I see it. Right now, it’s reflecting in your eyes. The same look I see in hers.”

“You don’t understand…”

“Don’t I?” Irene said softly. “I think I understand very well. I know how hard it is to leave the past behind. I know how hard it is to let go, to move on, to heal…”

I wrapped my fingers around the railing of the balcony. My hold tightened until my knuckles turned white and numb. “Lisa told us what happened. Back in Thailand, when you two were escaping. She told us about Jeongyeon and your…friend.”

I sucked in a hard breath and released a shuddering exhale. God. It hurt. It hurt so…so much. My lungs were burning, and I had to bite on my lips to keep from sobbing out.

“Nayeon…was my…only friend.” My voice cracked over each word, and the unshed tears stung my eyes even more. I blinked, trying to clear my blurred vision, but the salty droplets ended up on my cheeks instead, causing a wet, lonely trail.

“I know,” Irene responded, her voice filled with sympathy. “It’s hard to lose the ones you love deeply.”

“Have you…ever lost someone?”

Ayla’s arm instinctively clenched around her son, and her eyes darkened. Baby Suho let out a muffled sound and then started twisting in his mother’s arms, almost agitatedly. “Shh…” Irene started moving her arms a little, until her baby quieted down once again.