Teacher's pet

Chapter 12: My heart, your hands

Yoongi did keep his promise to help me find the perfect place for my autumn photos. My Nikon camera was hanging on my neck and having the camera in my hands feels so familiar like always.
When we arrived at our supposed destination Yoongi said that we will park somewhere close to the spot that we will visit. As I was making my way out of his car I couldn't help but admire how wonderful Seoul is in the autumn season. Everything was in shades of orange, yellow, red and brown. The air around us was chilly and everyone was dressed in sweaters or warm coats.
It was my first time visiting this place. I was so taken aback by the beauty of the landscape . It was a garden with a palace in it. Yoongi was kind enough to have patience with a foreigner like me who didn't know anything about Korean history. So he told me the story of this place that apparently has a name: Changdeokgung Palace.
According to the history the residence was built in 1405 and it's one of the most well preserved palaces in Seoul. Changdeokgung Palace is one of the five palaces in the Joseon Dynasty.
But what was special about this palace is not the residence of the king, but the secret garden that surrounds it.
Beautiful scenery it's everywhere around this place. I suddenly jumped into Yoongi's arms and kissed him on the cheeks. "Thanks for showing me this location." My voice came out rough, but I cleared my throat. "Its hard to find good places to take the best photos for a competition, in a city that's totally foreign to you."
"And that's exactly why I'm helping you!" He gave me an easy smile. I put the camera's strap around my neck again and lifted it. I put my eye to the viewfinder and golden autumn colors fill the frame. I love the colors and the beautiful garden, pavilions and ponds that seem to hold so much history.
Thas the right shot! It captured more than the autumn colors. It captured glimpses into life's past.
I was so happy with finding the right spot that I almost didn't sense Yoongi's cold attitude. I knew that he's not the kind who shows affection in public. He already was brave enough and stepped out of his comfort zone by asking me to officially be his girlfriend. I guess he used his romanticism too much these days. So while we visited Changdeokgung Palace both Yoongi and the air around us were as chilly as an ice cube.

I remembered the day me and Sarah talked about cosmic love and cosmic feelings. She babbled all day about how fate brings people together. She was on cloud nine because she just exchanged phone numbers with Jimin. I do believe in fate, that's' sure. Sometimes it's God's will when new roads open to be followed. But I also believe in making your own decisions,making your own fate. For instance in my case. Yoongi's path and mine did intersect, but it was my free will that I chose to date him. Even though some voice in my head keeps telling me he will hurt me eventually. I can sense that there's just a few people in his life that he trusts, and I'm definitely not on the list. In the past few days, since he helped me to find the location for my photo, he's been nothing but reserved and cold. I'm the exact opposite of him. If we were two words in the dictionary we would definitely be antonyms. He'll be the night, I'll be the day. He'll be the moon, I'll be the sun. He'll be the push, I'll be the pull.

That's new for me , cause I like people who invest emotions and time in their relationships. We barely have met each other in the past few days. He was very busy practicing for the competition. The jury finally took the decision that he'll participate at the Leeds international piano competition next year, early in the spring.

Today it's the photography competition and it's important for me to win. At least the third place. Just to boost my confidence and reassure me that everything will be alright in the end.
The competition is just for students and amateurs, but it's full of inspiring and powerful pictures. The exhibition is open to all students on the campus so the place they chose to invite the guests it's a big classroom at the university. The classroom it's one of the places where the photography courses are held, so it has a lot of empty walls where the participants of the competition could hang the photos.
As I was sliding through the already crowded room, I couldn't help admiring the photos that are hanging on the walls. I admit that it scares me. I desperately need a familiar face to calm my nerves a bit.
The art and photography wing of the university that usually offers quiet solitude, is now full of people that are talking and admiring the pictures.
HJust when I started to lose hope that I'd find one of my friends or my boyfriend, Sarah's happy and excited voice filled my ears. I was secretly hoping that Yoongi would be here.
Sarah appears behind me in a blue and white dress and with a broad smile on her face.
She seems to be as happy as a lark. Her eyes sparkle with excitement.
"I'm officially Jimin's girlfriend. I don't want to be selfish, today it's about you my dear friend. But I'm so happy."
My smile soon fades as I see Lucas approaching us and seems to have a cloud of sadness hanging over him. He's heartbroken. Poor Lucas for not having the courage to change and choose his own path and not let fate have its way.

"I'm so happy for you Sarah. You're definitely one of the hottest couples around the campus."

Sarah hugged me and told me that they have a strong competition against me and Yoongi when it comes to the title of "hottest couple" on the campus.

I slowly catch Lucas and whispered to him, so Sarah doesn't hear:
"Lucas,I hope you're ok."

He just smiles with a smile that doesn't reach his eyes,
"Why wouldn't I be?"

I never had the chance to talk alone with him and tell that his feelings for Sarah are pretty obvious and I've figured out that he likes her more than a friend. He surely reads all that in my eyes as he smiles shyly and continues:
"She's happy and that's all that counts!"

Soon they'll announce the winners. Yoongi's nowhere to be found. This saddens me more than it should.
I take out my phone to text him. I look at the last message that I sent:

"Hope you'll be able to make it to the photography contest. I need you to be there!"

I sent this text earlier this morning. Still got no reply from him. I quickly put my phone inside my pocket and decided to ignore the feeling that my chest is tied in knots.

I don't even hear when the jury calls my name. Sarah and Lucas are screaming excited that I apparently won second place. I guess I should smile and pretend to be happy. But my thoughts are somewhere else right now.

I surely don't want my heart to be held by someone who can crush it in his hands. Then why do I still have the need to open the door of my heart to him? I'm not supposed to let my fragile heart in such strong hands that can't take care of it,right?