Ataraxia (SaeranxReader)

Damaged

-Chapter 15: Damaged-
(Final Episode of First Book)

"Damaged people are dangerous. They know how to feel hell like home." 

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Did you ever feel physically sick because you think you are not good enough for anyone and can't do anything right, no matter how hard you try?

I did.

I wanted to change my own fate. I couldn't. Then a light sparked in the dark, I wanted to heal Saeran. While my own wounds were bleeding, I wanted to bandage his. I couldn't. I was ready to die many times to keep him alive, but now I can't even die. I was in agony. For the agony belonged not to those who died, but to those who were left behind. 

I didn't even know what was left of me anymore.

I was leaning my head against the window and watching the road as the car drove by. The redhead next to me was quiet, probably still in shock, but he must have had enough willpower to drive. The tense face, the frowned eyebrows..

The hand that wasn't on the steering wheel was gripping the silver cross hanging from his neck, as long as he didn't change gears. His lips were trembling while praying desperately. I was wondering if it really works.

I felt like I would go crazy if I don't open my mouth, but I still decided to leave him alone. He had recently witnessed that his twin, whom he hadn't seen for years, was a mentally unstable man, and that he had kidnapped his girlfriend.

Oh, by the way, the lunatic who fell in love with that mentally unstable man was sitting next to him, is me.

I had no desire to reach for the radio. I didn't even care if I was wearing my seat belt. We passed an ice cream shop and I averted my gaze. There was no one to remind me that this wasn't a fuckin' road trip anymore. There was no point in music or ice cream without Saeran. It didn't even make sense for me to live. 

I turned my eyes back to the redhead next to me. I didn't even know where it was taking me. I didn't even know why he took me with him. But I was not in the mood to ask. I did not think that he would answer my question, as he was already busy holding the cross with his free hand and praying. So I turned my eyes back to the road. 

All I wanted right now was to turn back the last 12 hours. I was willing to have my own brain washed with elixir, as long as Saeran was not harmed. But it was as impossible as asking the fish to fly.

So what happened to him? All he wanted was to protect me. It was a betrayal, a rebellion, a challenge to the Savior, but Saeran risked it all for me. I was paying the price of it. Because the only thing Rika could hurt me was using Saeran. And she had succeeded.

Yes, Rika had destroyed Saeran. But Saeran had destroyed me too. And I was waiting to die in a bottomless pit, not knowing what to do.

I looked up from the window when I heard the car slow down. Saeyoung was parking the car inside a garage. It was a pretty big garage, with at least 10-15 cars in it. The spy business must have brought in a lot of money.

Neither of us said a word when the engine stopped. But then I saw the door ahead open and a man with long brown hair and a long leather jacket came running towards us. His eyes were literally on fire. "I have to deal with him too, great." Saeyoung sighed and slowly got out of the car. I followed him too.

"Zero Seven!" The man was really angry, he grabbed Saeyoung's cardigan with both hands. “Tricking me and running away, huh? I'll show you-” then he noticed me.