paper rings (l.h.)

18

"It was nice having you over," Luke says to me as he drops me off on my front porch. "I enjoy your company."

It had finally stopped raining, the showers that had once shaken the trees have resulted in puddles and the smell of rainfall. My Mama was asleep, after we had finished renovating the sitting room to be her temporary bedroom she was probably exhausted. Tomorrow is the beginning of normalcy returning around here. I've been anxiously awaiting it.

I stand at the top of the steps, Luke standing on the ground. There wasn't too much of a height difference any more, I had a few inches on him. Until he flashes his pretty smile at me in the low glow of the porch light, taking one more step until he is once again taller than I am. I was exhausted both mentally and physically, as well. I can't help but return that pretty smile with a sleepy one of my own.

"Thank you for having me," I take a step forward, feeling his arms wrap around my body.

"You look tired," he looks down at me, a soft chuckle escaping his lips. He is stalling.

"I am."

"You could have slept over at my house," he rubs my back, my head resting on his shoulder as he holds me.

"Maybe one day," I say under my voice. "Just not tonight. And you have to go talk to your friend, remember?"

I look up at him as I ask this, his hands lowering themselves at his sides. "No I don't," he furrows his eyebrows together. "I'm not going with him."

"Huh?" I take a step back. "Going where?"

He frowns, playing with the string to the hoodie he had slipped on before we left. His jaw clenched. I felt bad for asking. "We're nominated for a Grammy. They're asking me to show up."

I feel my jaw drop as he says this.

"A what?" I say a little too loudly, stepping backwards to sit on my Grandmother's wicker patio furniture. It creaks under my weight, Luke standing above me.

"If I go back, that means I'm back," he repeats, sitting directly beside me. "I don't want to go. I'm not ready yet."

"Don't tell me that," I look over at him, turning to him in my chair as the moths hit the front porch light, and the crickets fill the otherwise silent night. "You should go tell Calum."

"He wouldn't understand," Luke rolls his eyes, pacing the front porch in front of me. I sit on the back of this chair, trying to remember how to breathe while processing the reality of it all. Never have I ever imagined I'd be sitting in the position I am now. Not here, not back home, not ever.

"When do you think you will be ready, then?" I glance up at him. I knew I shouldn't have asked this right now, considering he's emotional and upset. But I did anyway.

"I don't know," he steps back, holding his head in his hands. "A few months. At least."

I asked because I could decide how emotionally invested I should become in this relationship despite me already throwing in all of my chips at once with him. A few months, at least, his voice played in my head. "You've got until February," I try to rationalize with him.

"I've got to go back to the gym then," he runs his hands across his tummy, grabbing a handful of skin and watching how it falls back after he had tugged at it, frowning.

"Don't ever make me go with you," I slide down in my seat, watching Luke's smile grow as I tell him this. He doesn't want me to go inside, and although I am sleepy, I don't want to, either.

"I won't," he sits down on the seat beside me. Carefully, his eyes scanning my body as I straighten myself and feel Luke's presence beside me. I don't stay in my spot for long, instead I bring myself up and onto my seat on the railing. Like I did before Luke, my back on the post. I watch as he grins while I climb onto it, peeling my eyes from his once I notice how thick the fog had gotten over our land.