paper rings (l.h.)

24

I couldn't feel my body.

I couldn't feel my face, I had to focus so that I could remember to breathe. I felt Luke's body pressed into mine as we shared a corner of the couch, Calum eventually moving onto the recliner after complaining that he felt he was 'sinking into' it. I couldn't help but crack a smile that I had the hardest time getting rid of. Luke's arm wrapped itself around me. "You alright?" He whispers into my ear here and there, and every time I look up at him with red-rimmed eyes and a cheeky grin.

"Luke," Michael clears his throat, looking over at him from where he sits on the opposite side of the couch, Ashton now on the carpet flooring as he rolls himself another joint or two. "When are you coming home, man?"

I felt his body stiffen before I had the chance to process exactly what Michael was asking. I felt the energy in the room shift as the questions were thrown into the open. I felt my eyes growing heavier and heavier, but I couldn't help but pay closer attention.

"I miss you being just around the block," Michael continues, looking over at me as if he forgot I was there. His eyes soften when they find mine, as if they've got a bit of sympathy towards me. But not enough. "We all do. And we are ready to hit the road again. We've got an album scheduled for November, after fighting them for months now. We need you back home, Luke."

"You've been MIA for months now," Ashton adds, holding a the roll in his hands. "And it was cool then, but you've been sober for a while now. Michael's got a kid on the way, and we've got a lot of shows to make up..."

"I..." Luke begins, looking down at me. "Guys, can I just have some time..."

"We've given you plenty of time," Calum runs his hands through his hair. "You said you didn't want to come back, anyway. It was us who brought you here in the first place."

"That was before," he removes his hand from over my shoulder, sitting on the edge of the couch as I try to hide in the corner I've created for myself. "I've got people here now. I can't just up and leave."

"I should go home," I interrupt them, knowing I was far too gone and too amateur to walk home stoned, alone.

"Mary," he turns to me, grabbing my hand as his voice began to quiver. He told me why he didn't want to go back, and I hope he finds the strength to tell his friends the truth. "Please don't-"

"Who do you have here?" Calum stands up, watching as he realizes Luke might be more set on staying here than he had hoped. I was glad I told Luke he had the option to go if he wanted to earlier in our relationship, but something in me was hoping he would stay. "Your Mom's a prick, your brothers are douche bags."

"I've got Mary," he furrows his eyebrows. "She's the best thing that's happened to me."

"What about your fucking band?"

I couldn't help it. It might have been the drugs, or the weight of the world that had been burdening me all day, but I found tears rolling down my eyes before I got the chance to try and hide them. I hated yelling, I hated confrontation, and I hated this situation I had been forced into by his band. They didn't know me, and I didn't know them. Maybe I wasn't as outgoing as the girls in their past, but I wish they didn't assume that I was the lone reason Luke was staying behind.

I turn around and grab my phone, my bag off of the couch beside me. I feel their eyes on me as they realize what is happening, and I can't help but think about how pathetic they're going to think I am after crying so early into our introduction.

"I might have been fucked up," Luke screams, and I feel his body step away from mine, and closer to Calum's. "But you were beside me the entire time..."