paper rings (l.h.)

23

I didn't think about the possibility of Luke not being home alone this morning.

My eyes fixated on the black SUV that sat behind Luke's, the same size and color yet different manufacturers. If I wasn't looking closely at the dirt that caked Luke's car that came from the endless trips over to my house, I wouldn't have been able to tell the difference. But

It made sense in my head that I would have him just to myself, that this morning I'd be able to spend this Sunday morning with my boyfriend, eating pancakes and bacon together while making small talk about anything we could. I still didn't talk very much, even on my better days. But for some reason, Luke got words out of me that  no one else could. Maybe it was because he listened, and made me feel like the smartest person in the room. Or that he remembered little details I had mentioned in passing. But today I was afraid he would notice. Something in me was hoping he would, so I didn't have to bring it up first. I didn't want to ruin his birthday by dropping a bomb as big as this on him.

But it was my fault for not warning him. He had given me plenty of opportunity to be honest with him, give him my entire story instead of omitting the parts that hurt me the most. But it hurt so much to explain, I wouldn't be able to deliver the story without being a nervous wreck. So I didn't, and suddenly he and I have been together a month and he only knew the better half of me.

"Hey," I hear from the top of the stairs, along with the screen door.

I grab the groceries out of the basket before turning around to face the sleepy-eyed boy who calls for me. I felt his arms wrapping around my waist while I gathered the items. I loved this embrace most days, but as I wasn't expecting it I couldn't help but nearly jump so high I'd tip the bike, my groceries, and myself.

"Whoa," he chuckles, once I am able to collect myself and realize it was him and not some stranger. Truth is, my mind was too busy trying to find an excuse to turn around and bolt. But it doesn't, because Luke had interrupted me before I was able to come up with one. "I'm sorry. Did I scare you, love?"

"It's okay," I turn up to face him, smiling warmly as I fetch the groceries as well as his birthday gift. "Hi, Luke. Happy birthday."

My arms reach around his shoulders to bring him in my embrace, the groceries falling on the ground before I was able to set them down somewhere. Truth is, I couldn't give two shits about them. Luke had been my safe place for a few months now, I knew that in his embrace I felt the safest. I didn't care about possibly breaking the glass mason jars, or that the tissue paper I had so nearly arranged in Luke's gift bag would be ruined by the fall. I practically jumped into his strong arms, hoping to find a way to shrink small enough to fit in his pocket. "Thank you," Luke says genuinely, his arms wrapped around my waist. "I'm glad you're here."

"Yeah?" I say once he pulls away first, grabbing the bags off of the ground for me.

"Yeah," he nods, motioning towards the front door. "You bought groceries."

"I wanted to cook you breakfast," I look down at the ingredients, at the fresh fruit and bread I had bought. It was enough for maybe four helpings, but I didn't know if I wanted to cook for anyone but him. "Should I have waited?"

"I would have told you to wait if I knew they were coming over," he says under his breath. "I just want you there with me."

"What friends?" I look up at him. "Thought you didn't have any friends here."

"I didn't," he begins walking me inside. "They flew down to see me."

"Oh?" I grin, realizing that this will be a few days, at least.

"My bandmates," he looks down at me once he stands on the top step. "They came to wish me a happy birthday."

There's a pause between us as I step in, the muffled voices grow louder as I find myself in his foyer. My cheeks burning hot from the sun, and I prayed my perfume lasted the way here. I watch as Luke walks the groceries to his kitchen. He continues with "you don't seem too happy about that."