When I Look Into Your Eyes (An AU Heartstopper Story)

24 - do you remember this?

The next couple of days passed quickly. Nick had spent his time helping his mum with chores in and around the house, hoping it would take his mind off of everything that'd been happening lately. Seeing as that didn't really work, he eventually decided that it would be best if he headed back to uni a couple of days early so he could work on his thesis.

The fallout with Charlie still weighed heavily on his mind. The argument had been the culmination of weeks of mounting stress and self-doubt. Nick's heart ached at the thought of the chasm that had grown between him and Charlie. Each day passing only seemed to widen that gap between them. And as much as Nick wanted to run to Charlie's house, hold him, and never let go, he knew he needed time to heal first.

-

"Mum," Nick called out as he placed his last bag on the floor of the hallway. His bags were stacked haphazardly, making it almost impossible to walk through the narrow passage. It was as though his external world was mirroring the chaos within his mind.

"Mum, do you know where my camera is?" He yelled, with a slight hint of panic in his voice.

Nick was determined to document these last steps of his uni journey. He hadn't taken many pictures during his time at university, which was kind of out of character for him. Although he'd never been a hugely creative person, he did love to take pictures. It was a way to remember what it was all like. He loved looking back at the pictures he'd taken when he was still a student at Truham and wanted to be able to do the same with this time of his life. So as graduation loomed, he felt a growing need to capture these fleeting moments.

Sarah, who had been quietly sipping her morning tea and playing a level of Candy Crush in the kitchen, set her cup down and made her way to the hallway. She leaned onto the door frame and took a moment to take in the current chaotic state of her hallway.

"What's up, Nicky?" She asked.

"Do you know where my camera is?"

"Oh, I believe it's in the top drawer of the desk," she answered as she manoeuvred past the bags and her son and walked into the study. Nick put his bag to the side and followed his mum into the room.

The drawer was filled with old pictures, a couple of loose paperclips and elastics, an empty photo album, some sticky notes and a small picture frame. Sarah took a picture out of the drawer and showed it to Nick. "Oh honey, look!" she said smiling. "Do you remember this? It was your first day of school. You were so nervous going into that classroom. But when I came to pick you up at the end of the day, you didn't want to leave."

Nick smiled, as he took a closer look at the picture. It'd been so long ago, but at the same time, it felt like no time had really passed.

Then Nick's eyes fell on another picture. One that carried a lot of memories with it. Memories that had now turned into stupid reminders of how good it once were. How far he'd fallen down. How differe...-

"Oh, Nicky!" Sarah exclaimed, snapping Nick out of his thoughts and back into reality. "You and Charlie looked so lovely at prom. And I loved that green suit on you," she said as she placed an arm around her boy. "I knew you were meant to be ever since that moment."

Nick smiled faintly. "Yeah."

"Actually, where is Charlie? You haven't seen him since his birthday last weekend."

"Oh, yeah. Well, he's...he's on a holiday," Nick lied. "He's visiting his grandparents."

"Oh, I didn't know he was going on a holiday."

"Yeah, it was really last minute," he said and started digging through the drawer. It didn't take him long to find his camera. It was an old and well-worn device. It used to be his grandfather's, but he gave it to Nick on his 19th birthday.

Nick cradled the camera in his hands, a sense of purpose settling over him. He turned the camera on and snapped a picture of his mum, who was staring at some old pictures of Nick and David.

"Excuse me," she said, trying to sound really serious and offended as she laughed at Nick.

Nick walked up to her and wrapped her in a tight hug. "Thanks, Mum," he said, his voice filled with appreciation.

As he began snapping some pictures of the chaotic hallway, Nick felt a strange sense of calm wash over him. Each photograph was a testament to the messiness of his life, the uncertainty that lay ahead, and the determination he had to face it head-on.

Sarah watched her son with a fond smile, understanding that this was Nick's way of coping with the mess in his head. She knew he would find his way eventually and that he'd be alright.

"I love you, Nicky," she said gently, "And I'm so incredibly proud of you."

Nick looked up and smiled at his mum, the weight on his shoulders instantly feeling a little lighter. "I love you too, Mum," he said as he placed his camera down and walked towards Sarah. He wrapped his arms around her again and hugged her just a little tighter.