When I Look Into Your Eyes (An AU Heartstopper Story)

35 - Nellie's pup cup

"Here you go, Mum," Nick said, handing Sarah two cups.

"Oh, you're a star." She smiled, taking the cups from Nick's hands, but then hesitated. "Wait, darling, what's this?"

Nick turned back, his eyebrows raised as Sarah held up a small to-go cup filled with whipped cream. Her face a mix of amusement and confusion.

Nick chuckled softly. "It's a pup cup, for Nellie. Wait, I'll show you."

He grabbed his own tea from the food truck, thanked the clerk, and made his way back to Sarah and Nellie, who wagged her tail excitedly, as if she knew something special was coming her way.

"Could you hold my tea for a sec?" Nick asked, handing his cup to Sarah. She balanced the drinks with a bemused look.

Nick crouched down next to Nellie. "Hey, Nellie. Hi, girl. You know what this is, don't you?"

Nellie's tail wagged even faster, and Nick smiled as he placed the pup cup down in front of her. She dove in eagerly.

Nick laughed, scratching behind her ears as she enjoyed every bit of it. "I swear, it's her favorite thing in the world," Nick said, standing up again.

"Well, at least someone's having a good day," Sarah replied, smiling at Nellie. She handed Nick his tea back, and the two started walking through the park. The air was cool, and the freshly fallen autumn leaves were crunching under their feet. Nick kicked at a stray leaf on the path, watching it skitter away before taking a deep breath.

"So, darling," Sarah began, her voice soft but serious. "Tell me, how are you really doing?"

Nick sighed, his shoulders slumping. He felt the familiar pressure in his chest, the one that had been building for weeks. The truth was, he wasn't doing well. He felt like everything was piling up at once—school, expectations, the uncertainty of the future—and he didn't know how to put it into words.

"I don't know," he said finally, his voice barely above a whisper. "It's just... a lot. Everything feels like... too much sometimes."

Sarah's eyes softened with concern. She stepped closer, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. "Nick, it's okay to feel overwhelmed. You've been through a lot this year."

Nick looked down, trying to blink away the tightness in his throat. "I just feel like I should have it all figured out by now. But I don't."

Sarah squeezed him gently. "No one expects you to have it all figured out. You're still growing, still learning. And like I said before, it's okay to not have everything figured out."

Nick nodded, but the words felt distant. It was something he knew logically but couldn't fully accept. He sighed again, rubbing his temples. "It's just hard, Mum."

"I know, darling," Sarah said softly. "But you don't have to carry it all by yourself. I'm here, and so are your friends. And you've got Charlie. Those are all people who care about you a lot."

Nick's expression shifted, his gaze falling to the ground before flicking over to Nellie, who was joyfully running toward a patch of grass a few meters ahead of them. His shoulders tensed, and his throat tightened.

"I'm not so sure about that," he said, his voice barely audible.

Sarah slowed down, glancing at him in surprise. "Wait, what do you mean, honey?"

"Well... me and Charlie, we... uhm..." Nick exhaled, the words feeling heavy on his chest as he struggled to get them out.

"What happened, darling?" Sarah asked, her voice filled with confusion and concern.

Nick hesitated, biting his lip. "Me and Charlie... we, uh... I don't even know what we are anymore." He paused. "I messed up so badly, Mum."

Tears welled up in his eyes, and Sarah's heart dropped. She hadn't expected this. Just a few days ago, Charlie had been at her house with all of Nick's friends, planning a surprise for his graduation. She'd had no idea things were so strained between them.

"Oh Nicky," she said, wrapping an arm around her son. "I didn't know, I thought you two were okay."

Nick wiped a tear from his eyes. "We're not. I've tried to fix things, but it's like... it's like he doesn't even want to talk to me anymore. And I...I just feel like I ruined everything."

Sarah blinked, caught off guard by this new information. She remembered Charlie sitting at her coffee table as he talked to her and Isaac about their surprise for Nick. The Charlie she'd seen just days ago was full of care and affection for Nick. But now, seeing the pain etched across her son's face, she realized there was more going on than she'd known.

"Oh, sweetheart," she whispered, pulling Nick into a hug as he broke down, his shoulders shaking with quiet sobs. "I didn't know you were going through this."

Nick pressed his face into her shoulder, his voice cracking. "I just feel like I've lost him, Mum. And now, I have to go through this shitty graduation process alone. While he was supposed to be here. That's what we always said. And I don't think I can do this without him."

Sarah's heart twisted. She couldn't tell Nick about their surprise; it was meant to be something special, and a surprise. But now, knowing how deeply Nick was hurting, it took everything in her not to spill the truth.

"You haven't lost him, Nick," she said, gently rubbing his back. "Charlie cares about you, I know that for sure. Sometimes...sometimes people just need space to figure things out."

Nick pulled back, wiping his hand over his tear-streaked face. "But what if it's too late? What if I've pushed him away for good?"

Sarah sighed, feeling the weight of the secret she had to keep. She thought back to Charlie's worried face when he asked her if Nick would like the surprise they were planning. Charlie was clearly just as unsure and just as afraid of losing Nick. But she couldn't tell Nick that now. Not yet.

"I know it feels like that right now, honey," she said, choosing her words carefully. "But Charlie's been there for you through so much already. I don't think he'd walk away just because things got tough."

"I think you'd be surprised at how much he wants to be there for you. You don't know what he's thinking right now, but maybe... maybe things aren't as broken as you think."

"I just... I don't know if I can do this without him, Mum."

Sarah squeezed his hand, her heart aching for her son. She wished she could tell him that everything was going to be okay, that Charlie was still there. But all she could do was hold onto that secret a little longer, hoping it would bring the joy Nick so desperately needed.

"You won't have to do it alone, Nicky," she said softly. "I promise."