The 1 Rule - haobin

book talk

"You know, being perfect does not make you perfect," I say. Hao, who is sitting in front of me while reading a book, eyebrows furrowed, doesn't look up.

"Huh?" he says, mouth half closed, fully engrossed in the story

"I mean, does it ever get tiring?" I ask. Hao is still concentrated on the book not looking up, and looking as if he didn't even hear me

"Hm? Yeah," He says. I raise an eyebrow

"Did you even hear my question?" I ask. Hao finally looks up and shakes his head

"No," He says, closing the book only halfway, his thumb still separating the page in which he left off   "What were you telling me?"

"Nothing never mind," I say. Hao nods and opens his book once again. Who does that boy think he is? He's wasting all my fucking time!

I watch Hao, his eyebrows moving every time that he turns to a new paragraph. He looks funny when he reads, but at the same time, he makes me want to read the book as well. How good can it be to cause him to not be able to take his eyes off of it for even a few seconds? I sigh and open my bag, opening my laptop and starting to type down the answers for my homework. My hands move automatically, to the point I don't even fully process the questions to the assignment. God damn was I blessed with a great memory. 

Today, Cho isn't here. Currently, we're at her and Hao's house, both studying in our own ways. Cho stayed behind, working on a group presentation with people from her class. Once she told me that, I ran to Hao. Did I seem too excited? Probably. I just really want Cho to like me more, or to at least make her feel loved.

As I type down the answers to the questions, I hear a sniffle coming from the boy, and once I look up, there he is, tears streaming down his face. Is Hao... crying?

"Uh-"

"She was - my favo - favorite characterrrrrrrrrr" Hao says, dabbing at his eyes. I look at him in confusion

"Are you crying because of a... book?" I ask, looking at him. Hao nods aggressively and shakes the book at me

"And what's wrong with that?"

"Nothing"

"Uh huh, you read this - this book and you will also," he takes a pause "cryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy" and so, he starts crying vigorously once again and burries his head on a pillow that is sitting next to me. He stays there lying down, and I can still hear his weeps, even with the pillow fully engulfing his cries. I sigh and glance at the boy who is lying down beside me, half amused, and half confused. Who the hell cries because of a book that was given by the school? 

"Uh-Hao?" I say in a whisper. I can hear Hao make a slight noise, and I assume that it is to show me that he's listening

"Are you ok?" I ask. Hao looks up from his hidden headspace and scowls at me. I see his face all red, tears smeared all over it, and red puffy eyes looking back at me

"Yes, Hanbin, I'm fine" he whispers sarcastically, his crying stopping "Of course I'm not fine! Why did they - have to killlllllllllll herrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" and so he starts weeping again, and he burries his face away once again. What exactly am I supposed to do in this situation? I came here to get help from Hao, not to comfort him because of a book. Is it really just the book that is making him cry? Or is there something beneath that? I think of all the blurred faces. All of them are being helped by Hao, but who is there to help him? I will. I will at the moment, no matter if it is just because of a stupid book.

I get up from the ground and walk into the bathroom. I take a box of tissues and head back to the boy who is weeping on the ground. I silently take a seat next to him and tap at his back ever so slightly. When he doesn't look up, I take a tissue and press it to his face

"Have a tissue" I whisper. Hao gets up and takes the box away from me without saying anything. He blows his nose violently, eyes squinting. It takes a few seconds before he is fully calmed down, and when he is, he looks at me

"Sorry"

"For what? For crying about a book?"

"Yeah. I mean, sort of. You didn't come to have me crying in front of you rather than giving you help for Cho" he whispers. I shrug

"It's fine. Crying is nothing to be ashamed about" I say. Hao nods and stays silent, not looking at me. Damn, he's probably really embarrassed. I would be too.

"Hao?"

"Hm?"

"If you - uh - ever want to cry, you can always call me, yeah?" I say. Hao looks at me, and for a moment, it looks like he's about to cry again, but in reality, he just frowns

"Hanbin, just because I've been helping you for the past few days does not mean that I like you any better from the start. Stop trying to be all nice to me, it's not gonna work" He says, face turning serious. I feel hurt, in a sort of way. I actually thought that Zhang Hao had somehow opened up to me more, and even enjoyed my presence. Maybe I just thought that because that's how I've felt for the past few days. I've enjoyed sitting next to Hao in the library, and sometimes even in his room like now. We've sat out in the grass before as well, and I've enjoyed it equally as the other days. I've seen more glimpses of his real personality and more glimpses of his real smile. But apparently, he doesn't like me any better. Here we are, one week of hanging out together almost every day, the final exams being tomorrow, and here I am thinking that he at least felt more like himself around me. 

"Alright then, and who said that I like you any better?" I ask, crossing my arms

"The way that you're acting towards me is speaking for itself," Hao says. I sigh and look at my computer again, staring at nothing in specific

"Whatever," I say in a whisper. We stay in silence for a while, neither awkward nor comfortable. I feel a bit of disappointment. I haven't been going anywhere with Cho these past few days, It almost looks like I'm turning less interesting to her by the day, and here I also am, wasting my time trying to make Hao open up, even though that isn't my main goal. I just want Cho to like me more, so why am I wasting my time with her brother?

"Hanbin" Hao calls me. I immediately look up from my computer and look at the boy, who is now also on his computer, not looking up at me in return.

"Yeah?"

"Want to study together tomorrow?" He asks. There is silence for a while, and I feel a sense of inexplicable happiness, but also confusion and worry.

"What about Cho?"

"She told me that she'll be studying alone at the park for the next few days," Hao says looking up, a smile forming at the tip of his mouth "I did my research"

I nod and smile back, not knowing what I'm feeling. I wanted to spend more time with Cho, but honestly, I'm exhausted running after her, trying to make her happy, and treating her like she is royalty. For a change, studying with Hao might not be so bad.

"So? Study with me?" Hao asks again. I look at him and nod, a smile being displayed on my face

"Sure"

♡♡♡

Don't ask me how I managed to write a chapter, but I somehow made it. I know the chapter is bad but please bear with me for a while until Friday. I definitely won't be publishing any chapter until that day from now on, since I have a completely full schedule, so I'm glad I was able to publish this one.

Anyways.... HAOBINNNNNN. Do y'all see the development here??? 😏💅💅Cuz I definitely do~

Also wtf I have like 5000000 new mosquito bites so randomly. I just woke up and there they were. This is honestly the worst possible timing.

(stream 'and I' by zb1)