The 1 Rule - haobin

let go

"Damn, I missed this" Cho says, taking a seat next to me on a bench. The same bench I sat on with Hao. I look at her, the wind blowing at her hair. The sun shining onto the grass, while the clouds hover above us

"Yeah, me too," I say.

It's not a lie. I did miss this. I do. But it feels... different. I like her. I really do. But in which way?

"Funny" Cho murmurs quietly. I hear her clearly, but decide to not say anything. Does she know? No, there's no way. She doesn't even know that I speak to her brother.

She doesn't know how we talk everyday. She doesn't know how we study together. She doesn't know how he always truly laughs with me. She doesn't know, and it hurts.

"It's getting kinda cold, don't you think?" Cho says, after minutes of me not answering her. I hum in return

"Yeah. You wanna go back?" I ask, but Cho shakes her head.

"No, don't worry about it. Unless you want to..?" she says

"No, it's fine. Let's stay for a while more"

I don't know why I said that. I don't want to. I want to talk to Hao.

It's cold outside.

It's confusing.

"You seem pretty cold," Cho whispers, looking at me. I look at her and shrug

"A bit"

"Let's take a walk then. That'll make us warm up" She says. I nod thankfully and help her up, her hands warm.

"Did you already finish all your exams?" Cho asks. I shake my head

"Nope. I still have my English, and then I'm done" I say. Cho hums

"What about you?" I ask

"I finished all of mine." She says. I nod my head, but don't say anything.

We walk in silence, the tension killing me. I know that she wants to say something. So do I, but I won't.

"Hanbin... can you be honest?" Cho says, breaking the silence

"Hm?"

"Are you tired of me? Have you lost interest?" she asks, her question catching me off guard. I look at her with desperate surprise

"What-?"

"I didn't finish talking. Just wait until I finish. I know that we were never anything official, we never fully even told each other that we had feelings. But I know that you liked me, and you knew that I knew. It was only a few months ago, but we would hang out everyday, we would study together, and we would literally stick to each other as glue. Now tell me, why isn't it like that anymore? Hanbin, you're more distant than ever. Why?" Cho says. She keeps her face stiff, her eyes don't separate from mine, and I feel something inside me bring up suffocation

"Cho.."

"Hanbin, I really don't mind. I just want you to tell me if you don't like me anymore, so that I can get over it and move on. I can't control your feelings for someone else, and neither can you. It would just be good if you told me about it"

It suddenly hits me. I've been a jerk. Such a horrible jerk. Not because I neglected her, or because I like her brother... but it's because I have been leading her on. She hasn't had the chance to get over me, when all she had was hope that I maybe liked her back.

I want to tell her everything. She deserves to know everything. But even I'm not sure about my feelings.

"Cho, you're right. I did like you for some time, and I tried so many times to convince myself that I still liked you, even when I didn't. I never noticed that I liked you just as a friend, and nothing else. I know that I should have told you earlier, and I'm so sorry that I led you on. I still want to be your friend, but we really can't be anything more," I pause for a second, feeling tears emerge from my eyes. I take both of her hands into mine and caress them "I'm so sorry"

Cho's eyes also start tearing up and she grabs at my hands as well, swaying them from side to side. A small smile emerges from her lips, and she launches herself onto me, giving me a tight hug. I put my arms over her as well, embracing the welcoming hug

"Thanks Hanbin. I really needed to hear that"

"Cho... I'm seriously so sorry" I say softly. She pats my back gently

"It's alright. I can't make you like me. I just needed to hear it from you" She says. I nod. Do I feel any better? Not really. I feel like a jerk. How would she react when I tell her that I like her brother? Do I really? It's all so messed up. I'm a jerk.

Cho lets go of me, and I do the same. We hold each other's hands. Cho looks at me in the eyes, but I avoid them

"Something's still bothering you, right?" Cho asks. I don't answer. She takes that as an answer

"Hanbin, it's fine. You don't need to talk about everything right now, if you're not ready. Just know that I'm here for you. As your friend" She says. She notices my silence

"Hanbin. Don't be ashamed of whatever is bothering you. Seriously. I don't know what it is that you're so worried about, but I'll tell you that it's fine. Whatever it is, it's fine"

I burst out crying.

♡♡♡

HUH??!! I got number 1 in zhanghao and 2 in taerae???!!!???! tysmmm 🥰 seriously I couldn't feel any more greatful. It also makes me so happy to see your guys' comments!

also, we're getting pretty close to uhm... something 🤭🤭🤭 I have most of it written down, but I have to edit it a bit

What are your guys's predictions for the next chapters???

(stream 'chasing that feeling' by tomorrow x together)