In the spotlight

58

Matteo Rodriguez

"Ah fuck." I muttered in shock as I stared down at my phone as it locked the screen, mirroring my own face on the black screen.

The weight of Sofia's words pressed heavily on my conscience; each sentence she uttered echoed in my mind relentlessly as some kind of reminder of my own shortcomings.

"If this is your definition of a relationship, maybe you should reconsider having one."

Guilt crawled at me with ferocity, twisting my stomach into knots as I replayed our heated exchange over and over again.

How could I be so stupidly blind? I swallowed hardly as the memories of the past week rushed through my mind. In the midst of my own self-pity, I almost totally forgot that she was away in Turkey, and despite the huge time difference, she was always following my matches in the middle of the night.

She sacrificed her own time at work she could've spent with anything else for me, wasting it away with listening to my rants and sometimes not even getting a "how was your day?" back from her supposed boyfriend.

The realization hit me like a ton of bricks. I upset and hurt her, the very two things I swore I would always avoid as much as I could at the beginning of our relationship. She deserved better than this, better than me.

She was my rock, a haven my heart always yearned for, and somehow here I was, driving a wedge between us over some stupid matches in a literal pre-season tournament.

I jumped up from the kitchen counter, feeling frustration overwhelming me as I ran through my hair anxiously with both hands.

My eyes snapped back on my phone resting on the table, nerve-wrackingly still. Should I call her back? Should I just text her? Does she even want to hear from me at all?

Memories of our recent series of trips flooded my mind; her smile and different-colored irises flashed in front of me, twisting the knife in my heart even further. I have always tried to comfort her whenever it came to a temporary separation due to work, and still I was the one who ended up ruining our routine.

The weight of my mistakes bore down on me like a suffocating blanket, smothering any hope of reconciliation. I couldn't bear the thought of losing her, of watching our love crumble beneath the weight of my mistakes.

The mere idea sent a chill down my spine, igniting a fire within me to make things right. I couldn't let Sofia slip through my fingers, not when she meant everything to me. With a newfound determination, I sprang into action.

I am not going to call her back, let alone send her a simple message. No, I need to apologize personally. Like, right now.

Hastily, I gathered my belongings, my hands trembling with nerves as I rushed to the airport. In the Uber I quickly got a ticket to the very last plane departing to Paris today, downloading the boarding pass after I paid out the hefty amount for all the last-minute changes I had to make.

Mentally, I thanked the gods above that tomorrow is a rest day as I took a quick look on the digital clock right next to the steering wheel, finding out that it is already past 11. Jet lag hit hard, but the words of our previous conversation with Sofia hit much harder.

"If this is your definition of a relationship, maybe you should reconsider having one."

I shook my head aggressively as I got out of the car, paid for the Uber, and threw my baseball hat and sunglasses on my head before making my way through the airport terminal.

Thoughts of Sofia consumed me, driving me forward with an urgency I had never known. Every step closer to the departure gate filled me with a mixture of hope and fear.