The Scenic Route

Chapter 9

They stop at McDonald's for sustenance, and Kyle's appetite is back as soon as he smells bacon grease. He usually tries to keep kosher, for his parents' sake more than anything, but after his near-death experience he feels confident that God will forgive him for a few bacon, egg and cheese sandwiches. He's so hungry that he's temporarily able to ignore the stale smell of puke that has infested the car, though he can't forget the fact that his hands are filthy. He's careful to hold his sandwiches and hashbrowns only by their wrappers so that they don't get contaminated.

"I want to marry McDonalds," Stan says, his mouth full of McMuffin. He's in the backseat with Cartman. Kenny is driving, too fast, and Kyle is up front with him. He laughs and turns back to Stan.

"You sound like Cartman," he says. "Though I kind of agree."

"God, I'm so happy right now," Cartman says. He's forking syrup-covered McPancakes into his mouth. "I'm alive and eating the greatest food in the world. Fuck you guys, though, seriously."

"Kenny, did you even eat anything?" Kyle asks. Kenny has been sipping from a huge cup of coffee, staring straight ahead and letting Kyle control the song choices. "Here, have some of my hash brown," he says.

"Can't eat," Kenny says.

"Why not?"

"I don't know, my stomach. Thanks, though."

Kyle glances into the backseat and meets Stan's eyes. Stan shrugs. Kyle can't remember the last time he saw Stan like this, dirt covered and ravenous, chewing with his mouth open. He wants to take a picture.

"Dude, calm down," Stan says, nudging the back of Kenny's seat. "It's not like the Phoenix airport is known for its packs of wild dogs. Butters is fine."

Kenny makes a vague noise of disagreement. Kyle actually thinks Stan is wrong about that, too. Stan disconnected from his parents around the time of their divorce, and even before then, he never feared their disapproval very much. Kyle can relate to Butters, though his parents were never emotionally abusive. They were controlling, and demanding, and Kyle still feels like shit when he disappoints them. Butters fears his parents about a hundred times more than Kyle does, and he's got to be terrified, afraid that he's failed them, that they hate him, and that he's alone in the world now. Kyle wipes his greasy fingers on his jeans, regretting the McDonalds already. He tries to choose upbeat songs that will calm Kenny down.

They cross the border into Arizona around one o'clock in the afternoon, and there's still six hours to go until they reach Phoenix, though with the way Kenny is driving they might make it there in five. Kyle is in and out of sleep, too dirty to get comfortable. He can feel the dirt under his nails, and the putrid smell of Cartman's puke is so strong that he feels like he can taste it. There's still some of it smeared on Stan's jeans, though he tried to clean it off as best he could with McDonald's napkins.

Kyle fidgets in his seat, fools with the radio, and moans unhappily when he sees that only ten minutes have passed since he last checked the clock. Stan and Cartman are both asleep in the backseat, Cartman snoring and Stan curled up against the window, one of Kenny's sweatshirts balled up under his head. Kyle looks over at Kenny. He's got both hands on the wheel and he's leaning forward slightly, as if doing so will get them to Phoenix faster.

"Dude, Butters is gonna be okay," Kyle says. Kenny grunts.

"I don't know what the fuck's going to happen," he says.

"Things are going to work out, you'll see."

"Are they, Kyle? Butters doesn't have any money. He won't be able to go to college without his parents paying his way. He's got no place to live."