The Scenic Route

Chapter 22

"So?" she says as she moves to hug Stan. "What did you think?"

"A masterpiece," Stan says. "Did you write it?"

"No way! That was all Butters. I did gently suggest that he bring up the gay camp thing, because that's one of our issues. C'mon, everybody should come backstage! There's a bunch of food and stuff back there."

"Stuff?" Randy says.

"Booze," Wendy clarifies, and she hugs him.

They head into the stadium's makeshift green room, where Butters is sitting in Kenny's lap, bouncing a little, Kenny's arms looped around his waist. Cartman is picking over the buffet, a whiskey-colored cocktail in his hand. Butters gets up when the group of Marsh and Broflovski affiliates pour into the room, and everyone fawns over him for awhile, hugging him and complimenting him on his speech.

"I was real nervous," Butters says when Kyle takes his turn to hug him. "I'm not used to being up in front of people without a whisk and my knives and all that!"

"You did awesome," Kyle says. "I'm really proud of you, okay?"

"Okay," Butter says, smiling sheepishly.

"Wait, wait!" Sheila says when Kyle starts to move away. "Let me get a picture of you two!" Suddenly she's Butters' biggest fan, still blotting tears.

When Kyle has escaped his mother's camera he walks over to Kenny, who looks rough as hell, sipping water, still hungover. They slap each other's hands.

"I'd get up, but I'm dying," Kenny says.

"Mine never quite hit me fully," Kyle says. "I think it got lost in all the excitement." He goes to the buffet and pops a piece of cheese in his mouth.

"If I'd known we'd have this sweet spread I wouldn't have wasted my time on the phone with you before," Cartman says to Kyle, elbowing him. "I forgot Wendy's got Butters set up to get a feast for every speaking engagement, plus an open bar for me."

"Excuse me," Kenny says, bending backward to look at Cartman. "The open bar is for me. I negotiated that part of the contract."

"Well, you blew your liver out last night, apparently, so all the more for me." Cartman toasts himself and drains his glass.

"Everybody help yourselves," Wendy says, ushering them over to the buffet. "I keep adding stuff to his rider and they just keep giving it to him. Try the coconut shrimp, they're amazing."

"Butters' coconut shrimp are better," Kenny says.

"Well, of course." Wendy rolls her eyes. "But he's not going to cater his own green room."

"Keep working on the line of Leopold Stotch frozen foods and maybe someday he will," Kenny says.

"I don't want to do frozen foods," Butters says. He sits in Kenny's lap again, a bunch of grapes cupped in his hands.

"You should really consider it," Wendy says. "It's a huge market."

"How's Jimmy doing?" Stan asks. "We invited him to the party tonight but he said he had plans."

"Oh, yeah, he's in Chicago doing live shows this week," Wendy says. She pulls out her phone and taps the screen a few times. "He'll be back in L.A. on the fifth, you guys should get together with him before you move."

"God, I can't believe you're moving," Kenny says, groaning. "New York is a filthy snake pit. We have perfectly good law schools here."

"Now Kenny," Sheila says. "Don't make them feel guilty for perusing Kyle's educational dreams." She's at the buffet, pouring herself a glass of wine. Kyle realizes that this is going to be a big drinking day and hopes that Stan won't get too wasted. He needs him sober for later activities.