The Boss & The Assistant - Rewritten Edition of "The Boss"

Chapter 19 - Emerson

On October 19th, a Thursday, I went to work like normal. I slept somewhat better than normal even though I was still anxious every night. I showered, did my hair, got dressed, brushed my teeth, put on deodorant, a little perfume, a touch of mascara, tinted chapstick, and then walked to the coffee shop. I got my iced coffee even though it was cool outside and I was always cold. I never drank hot coffee. I walked to work. I greeted Sasha. I sat at my desk, but I didn't do anything.

This day, twelve years ago, when I was only thirteen and had just entered the eighth grade, my childhood best friend Kenneth killed himself. Kenneth grew up next to me and was a grade higher. He had just started the ninth grade. He was a freshman but he was on the varsity football team because he was so good. Kenneth was naturally talented at everything. He played football in the fall, basketball in the winter, and always starred in the spring musical. He was a straight A student. Everyone liked him. He was nice, despite being so popular. Sometimes it seemed surreal that he was my best friend. I was a dork who didn't know when to stop talking, and yet he still chose to be my friend.

Kenneth had a hard time freshman year, but no one could tell. He'd tell me how much he missed having me attend the same school. He was busy after school and when he got a C on a math test his parents made him have an extra hour of studying. So we weren't able to hang out as much. By the beginning of October, he shut the world out, including me. We didn't talk often. A few days before his last day, he gave me a silver ring he always wore. I remember feeling so special. It felt like a promise ring, that he was asking me to be his boyfriend.

The summer before he started high school, we were hanging out in my basement. At this point, I knew I was gay and I knew I was in love with him. I didn't think he was gay, but on that June evening I kissed him. He didn't shove me away. He didn't call me a name. When I pulled away, he just laughed. He was gay, but he never told anyone. His parents found out he liked boys by seeing his search history. That's another reason why he wasn't allowed to spend time with me, because his parents were worried I was influencing him.

So, in October, he couldn't take the stress of being a perfect son, a perfect student, the most popular guy in school, all while hiding his truth. Late at night, he grabbed the gun out of his parents' safe, and he shot himself in his bedroom. The lights and sirens from the ambulance pounded through my window. I woke up, ran outside, and saw them wheeling Kenneth away in a body bag. I never knew such pain until then. I was so devastated that I had to finish the semester from home. Kenneth and I had been friends since we were toddlers. He was my best friend, my first kiss, my first love, and then he died because no one was there for him. If only I had just told him I was there for him, that his parents just didn't understand, that he was perfect the way he was. Maybe he would still be here.

"Hey."

I looked up, startled by Lafayette, then back down. I didn't hear him come in, too deep in thought. I didn't want him to see me crying. "Oh, sorry," I said.

He touched a finger under my chin, tilting my head up to concur that I was in fact crying. "What's wrong?" he asked softly.

"It's nothing," I said.

"Do you need to take the day off?" he asked.

"No, no, it's fine." I wiped my face. "I'm fine. Just...thinking."

"What are you thinking about?" he asked, perched on my desk.

"Kenneth," I said. "Today is...the day." I swallowed, trying not to tear up. This day was always hard, but I seemed to cry more this year than I have in the past.

"Emmy," he whispered. "You can stay home, it's alright."

"No, I don't really want to be alone today," I said.