The Boss & The Assistant - Rewritten Edition of "The Boss"

Chapter 46: Lafayette

 I skipped work on Friday.

In my entire career lifetime, I never once called in sick. I had been sick often. I overworked myself all the time. I needed many mental health days. Yet, I still never called in. It was kind of ironic. When I was at my most depressed and my mental health was at its worst, I did not call in. Now, when things were starting to get better, I took the day off. My heartbreak was painful. It wasn't the same as depression. It was just sadness. I never realized there was a difference between the two.

In English class, they always wanted us to use colorful language. Melancholy. Despondent. Sorrowful. None of those were right in this situation, though. This was just sadness. I was sad. What was I supposed to do? Em set his boundaries loud and clear. Yesterday, I couldn't stand being in the same room as him. He was beautiful. He was brilliant. He was perfect. There was nothing I could do, but being in the same room as him I wanted to do everything. I wanted to tell him I loved him. I wanted to call him ridiculous for suggesting we not be together. Of course we had to be together. I needed him, but I guess he didn't need me. I thought he shared the same feelings, though.

There were times when we had sex that I was certain we were making love. The way he would look into my eyes - I felt loved. He knew me better than anyone. There was no way anyone could know me as well as he did. He was trustworthy. I could open myself up to him. I did open myself up to him. I don't think there was anything he didn't know about me (other than my feelings for him). No one else could ever know me as well because I could never open myself up to anyone else as much as I did with him.

I suppose I was going to be alone the rest of my life.

Even though I had my friends and I had reconciled with my family, I did want a partner. Emerson made me believe I could be loved. I wanted Em as a husband. I wanted to start a family with him. I wanted to retire with him. I wanted to spend my last days alive with him. I never tired of him. I longed for him anytime he was away, even just in another room. His laugh, his smile, his eyes, his wispy hair, his delicate hands, smooth skin - there was so much to love about him, and now I wasn't able to give him my love.

I stayed in bed for the most part on Friday. I played Tetris a lot, beating my high score twice. I watched The Princess Diaries because Em loved that movie but I had never seen it. All of his favorite movies either starred Whitney Houston or had her as a producer, or both. We were supposed to watch most of them together because the only one I had seen was The Bodyguard. I couldn't watch another movie after finishing The Princess Diaries. I wanted to nap but couldn't. I only ever seemed to nap with Em.

I took a shower and then played around on my guitar. I strummed a few tunes, which helped me relax. I played more Tetris. I trimmed my nails. I vacuumed my bedroom. By late afternoon, I couldn't find anything else to do. Or maybe I just wasn't motivated. So I lounged around in bed, not doing a thing, trying to take a nap. Rain was gently pouring outside. Why was napping so hard? I wanted to turn off my mind, turn the pain away. Alcohol, drugs, sex could all distract my mind, but I didn't want to go back to that. I worked too hard to be healthier.

Footsteps were sounding on the steps to my bedroom. I sat up quickly. Who the hell could that be? A knock on the door came. Don cracked the door open and poked his head in. "Are you decent, Lafayette?" he asked.

"Yes, come in," I said. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, I heard you called in sick," he said, waltzing into the room. He took a seat in my armchair. "I thought I would check in on you."

"I'm fine," I said, sitting on the edge of the bed. "I just wanted a day to myself."

He nodded. "So you needed time yesterday as well, when you left early?"