The Boss & The Assistant - Rewritten Edition of "The Boss"

Chapter 34 - Lafayette

After Emerson left the studio, I ran up to my apartment, locking myself in. I kicked off my shoes and paced. I sat down, I stood up, I walked around more. I was shaking. My heart was racing. My hands were tingling. My whole body felt tense, and I was breathing quickly. Was I having a heart attack? No, not a heart attack. Calm down. I'm not dying. What if I am? What if I'm about to go unconscious and no one will find me for days? I'm losing my mind. Why is my body doing this?

My head felt like white noise, a vibrating numbness crawling around my scalp. Was I going to pass out? I am dying. No, just sit down. I sat down on my couch, holding my head in my hands. I was groaning. I groaned louder. Shame, shame, shame. I clenched my head, pulling on my hair. I'm going to die. I deserve to die.

I stood up again, tearing my shirt off. It was so hot. I was sweating but shaking. I'm dying but it's what is best. That's what Father Jamison said all those years ago, in his office, when he'd slap my hands with the yardstick. If I didn't kill myself then he was just going to kill me. Why was he like that? He used to be kind. He would babysit us all as children when Dad was too inebriated and Mom was working the second shift. He let us play fun board games. He gave us soda. He led us into the playroom in his basement, except for Delphine, who was always asleep upstairs.

Don't think about him. Don't think about him. Don't think about him.

I was seven when we first started going to Father Jamison's. Mom had been so appreciative of his generosity. She even cried she was so relieved. She apologized over and over, but Father Jamison just comforted her and told her he would take care of us. For the first month, it was beyond fun. He had a Nintendo 65. He had PG-13 movies. He had candy and soda we couldn't afford. We got to have sleepovers when Mom had to stay late at work. The sleeping bags were softer than our own beds. Claude was twelve. Axelle was nine. Clovis was five. Delphine was just about to turn four. She got to sleep upstairs in the comfy bed, since she was the baby of the family and wasn't even in school yet.

It was a month or two later when Father Jamison starting "hanging out" with us one on one. At first, it wasn't weird. He just wanted to talk. It felt like he was trying to see if we needed help or a shoulder to cry on. It's hard having Daddy drink too much, isn't it? You wish Mommy didn't work as much, right? Then he'd ask us about school, if we liked our teachers, what our favorite subjects were, if we got bullied, if we had a crush on anyone. They bully you for your hand-me-down clothes? Well, here wear this. But it wasn't a new uniform from the Catholic school. It was a swimsuit or a robe or just a pair of underwear.

When he took pictures of us, it was weird but he was Father Jamison - what was the harm? I used to think he designed the clothes himself and wanted us to pose for him to sell the clothing. I'm sure he sold the photos somehow. Eventually, all of us except for Delphine would go downstairs and wear the clothing he gave us. He'd tell us how to pose. One day, he made the four of us take our clothes off. We kept our eyes on the ground the whole time. The camera flashes were blinding.

Claude turned thirteen shortly after that night. We begged and begged Mom to let us stay home because he was old enough to watch us. He was, but not for Delphine. Del was too young to be taken care of by a fresh teenager. So, Delphine stayed at Father Jamison's. He always let her sleep. He didn't take pictures of her, so it was fine, right? Delphine, do you like staying at Father Jamison's? Yes! He's the bestest.

Father Jamison got wind that we begged Mom to not let us stay at his place. He brought us into his office and said he would kill us if we ever said a word about what happened. He said we were ungrateful for his generosity. So that is when the abuse started. Blind eyes were turned. Public humiliation was the norm. Bruises varied in size and color. Regardless, Delphine never had an issue with Father Jamison. Even when she started school, she got to go to his office whenever she wanted. She loved him like he was her own father.