The Boss & The Assistant - Rewritten Edition of "The Boss"

Chapter 45: Emerson

It doesn't mean anything!

Lafayette's words echoed through the door. He was fighting with Michael. What were they fighting about? I leaned my ear against the door of the flat, where I had entered to try and surprise Lafayette, instead of using the main entrance.

We agreed that that was the last time and then things were going back to normal.

It was just sex.

They were fighting about me. Michael must have found out about our hooking up. I heard a door slam so I bolted back the way I came until I was a few floors down the stairwell. I leaned against the wall, trying to catch my breath.

I never really had an opinion on faith, but I guess it was fate that I overheard that conversation. Now it was going to save me from utter humiliation. It did not mean anything. It was just sex. I couldn't tell Lafayette my feelings, because he didn't have the same feelings. I couldn't bear to imagine how the conversation would have gone. I would pour out my heart to him and he would be forced to try and remain nonchalant while turning me down. He would hate being in that situation. He would blame himself. He would maybe even get mad. What if he wanted to fire me? Would that have been a fireable offense, if he went to the board with it?

I left the building and went to my apartment. I sobbed into a pillow. I wasn't humiliated. I didn't lose my job. I didn't get rejected to my face. But I was still heartbroken. It hurt so much. It hurt worse than any other heartache I had ever had. I couldn't stop crying. What was I supposed to do now? I spent so long imagining a future with Lafayette. I was so stupid. How was I supposed to move on? I loved Lafayette. How could I fall out of love - especially when I was going to see him everyday? Every time he would sit on the edge of my desk, when he would give that soft smile, when he would say my name quietly - all of it made me fall more and more in love with him.

Maybe I could find a new job. I did officially have an article published that I could add to a non-existent portfolio. I had gained a decent social media following. There was a chance I could find a marketing job. Maybe Montevideo had marketing jobs that would sponsor me. Maybe I could go to Australia to get as far away as humanly possible. Unfortunately, I couldn't leave my family behind. I could always move back home. I could go back to college.

There was so much I could do but nothing I wanted to do. All I wanted to do was be in Lafayette's arms again. I loved it when he would rest his head on my chest and I would gently glide my fingers along his back. It was so peaceful. It was one of my favorite things. How can I move on? How? How? How?

Alicia texted me, asking how it was going. I couldn't reply. I couldn't let her know I was a fool in love with my boss who, of course, would not love me back. This was all my fault anyway. I was the one who initiated the kisses. I was the one who initiated the sex. I dug my own grave. I couldn't even be mad at Lafayette, because we had come to an agreement when we decided to have sex with each other.

I eventually fell asleep in my sobbing session. I woke up hours later in the early evening. I couldn't go back home and I couldn't go to work. I ruined my sleep schedule by binge-watching my favorite movies (The Princess Diaries, The Bodyguard, The Cheetah Girls). I ordered Indian food and ate it all in one go, which made me feel sick later so I walked around my apartment and took some pepto to help. Then I had a terrible bowel movement and had to take a shower. It was past midnight.

I woke up late, probably around noon. Instead of being depressed and feeling like shit, I was slapping myself in the face. Come on, Em. Get it together. I am a strong, confident, independent young adult. I mean, I am not physically strong and I do cry a lot and I do feel self-conscious, but I am capable of things. I hopped on my laptop and looked up creative writing programs in the city and what the tuition was. I looked at my bank account, which had a good amount of savings, but then I looked at townhomes for sale and couldn't decide between getting an education or buying a place of my own.