The Boss & The Assistant - Rewritten Edition of "The Boss"

Chapter 28 - Lafayette

The holiday season was not an easy one for me. Delphine had loved Christmas. The time from Thanksgiving to Christmas to New Year's was her favorite time of year. She liked the way the city lights and the Christmas lights looked in the snow. She was much more religious than I had ever been, so she loved church around this time of year. A lot of times when I thought of Del, I pictured what she would look like as an adult. But, around the holidays, images of when she was a child clouded my thoughts. I could picture her sitting in the chair, staring out the window into the depths of the city. She'd turn around with a smile. It was amazing how often she could smile, through everything.

December came on a Friday. Since Thanksgiving, Em seemed to be in good spirits, but he was also distracted by his phone more. I could gauge that he was texting someone who made him smile. I was jealous, but had no reason to be. Em deserved to have someone make him smile. He still talked to me. He still listened to me. He still did his job. Nonetheless, I missed him. It was shameful of me to feel that way. The cold weather and dreary days made it difficult to smile. Everyone visiting their families...I hated the holiday season.

"If you could have your way, what would you do to make this season better for you?" Cheryl asked me at my session.

"I don't know," I said, slouching in the chair. "I feel like any progress I've made in getting better has been a sham. I don't know what to do."

Cheryl was good at looking sympathetic, but this time she looked more than that. It almost made me feel bad that I wasn't doing well. "Progress isn't easy to tackle and it's not easy to track either," she said.

"What if I never get better?" I asked, looking at the ceiling.

"Well, I know we talked about this awhile ago, but have you given antidepressants another thought?" she asked.

"I was thinking about it the other day," I said. "I guess they did help when I was a kid." After I tried killing myself, when I was in the facility, I was on antidepressants. If Delphine had been on antidepressants, would she still be alive? "I can try them again," I said.

Cheryl nodded. "It is always your choice, and if it's not working then you can change it again," she said.

"I know," I said. Knowing I had the control helped, just a little. "To your question, about making the season better, I guess...I guess I could try hosting my family."

Cheryl couldn't hide her surprise. "Ok, what would you do?" she asked.

"I've thought about it a lot before. I would have them over and just have dinner and give them gifts. I don't know what else I could do. I know Mom would like it, but I feel like we would fight. It's just hard, being around them," I said.

"What makes you want to host them?" she asked.

"I don't know. I feel guilty for not being closer with them," I said. "I want to have a family I am close with. I usually don't want to try because I don't think it would change anything, but it's been a long time since we've all gotten together."

"What would be the con in trying?"

I shrugged. "We would just fight and it would solidify what I thought all along - there is no point in trying again," I said. "I guess I could still try, because the worst that could happen is we keep things the way they are."

So that is how I decided to invite my family over for the holidays. I called my mother and informed her that I wanted the family over on Christmas Eve and to stay for Christmas Day. She was thrilled. I asked her if she could ask everyone else, which just goes to show how distant I am from my siblings. She said she would let everyone know of the plans. To my surprise, everyone said they would come over.