Cullens girl

15

Mia's pov:
It was fun and quit soothing, to sit around with this precious family. Somehow it feels so incredibly right to be here surrounded by them, even though we literally just met this morning. Still I can't stop myself from letting them into my heart and mind. Somehow sitting and talking with all of them feels like coming home. Yet the way all of them act with one another seemed kind of odd for being a family. Even for someone like me. But then, how should I honestly know? I after all cant call my family normal by any means. Alone if I take my upbringing as example. My whole body immediately shudders at that horrible memory. Only serving my point of example that much further. I mean, nobody could possibly call that normal, at least in my eyes. Another shudder wreaks through my whole body. A habit that has sadly imbedded itself within me after all those years of abuse that I got put through. At the hands of my supposed mother and sister to top it off!! The thought alone oftentimes gets me into a panic. Hearing someone else talk about it however, is even harder on me. The possibility that anyone else also has to go through anything remotely I had to, oftentimes holds me off from falling asleep at night.
Saying all that, who am I to judge the closeness from any family? Especially this family!?!
Truthfully I would love to join their family and their dynamics. Just as I think that thought, I quickly shake my head at my own stupidity. Even IF they are in fact more than family, they would never want me to join them. On top of that I also need to take my dad into consideration! He has done so much for me already and always loved me wholeheartedly. So how damn selfish am I, by wishing to join some other family!? No! I better start to make better decisions for everyone, me included. Thinking of any of that is idiotic anyway. There definitely is no way they, or anyone to be quit franc, would ever see me as a compatible partner. I am way too damaged and used for that! So why even daydream about anything like that? It will only hurt me in the long haul.
This realization however still doesn't make it hurt any less. There also isn't any hiding of that fact since my eyes already fill with tears. Which I might add, absolutely hate with a passion! It makes me look even weaker than I am already anyway. Even in my own eyes! With that in mind, I finally decide that instead of pitying myself any further, I need to suck it up like an actual adult!
I mean, right now I am living my best life ever!! I am back living with my incredible dad AND I found some friends on my very first day at school here in Forks. With all that in consideration, I should be utmost grateful and stop wishing for even more. The way my life is right now, is the best it will get!
And yet, here I am, still longing and wishing  for more. Sadly I know however that, that's not going to happen. So instead of concentrating on what could be, I should look on the bright side. Enjoy the fact, that I for the very first time in my life found friends! Be thankful to finally have my dad back in my life! For feeling safe and loved! There is so damn much to be happy and thankful for, so why does my heart still hurt this badly?
„Love?" Jasie's soft voice asks carefully in a suddenly quiet room. Huh? I could swear it just was filled with laughter and people talking over one another. My irritation once again must of been easy to detect since his face softens lovingly.
„You suddenly got all quiet and stiff love. We were trying to get your attention for a few minutes." he slowly explains as I am shocked that I zoned out this heavily. Surrounded by my newly found friends out of all! How embarrassing... why do I always keep on making a fool out of myself?!
„Sorry, I only got lost in thought." I mumble ashamed of myself as Jasies face scrunches up with a deep frown. Alone by seeing that, I feel like a complete ass. Knowing fully well, that I am the reason his lovely smile is now gone.
„Nope! You said I am not allowed to be sorry for my feelings and thoughts, so you aren't either. Otherwise it would be unfair love." he stated matter of factly. His eyes glimmer in a quiet challenge, while his mouth fights not to grin at his easy win. Yet I have no problem with the defeat whatsoever. At least not if it's the very reason his stunning and happy smile is back on his beautiful face. With that in mind, I simply nod my head in agreement. A small smile spreading on my lips as well as his mouth  opens in an overexcited laugh.
„Yes! I so won!" he chuckles happily at his victory, as we all join in within seconds. The feeling of being able to relax and laugh all over again is absolutely incredible.
The weird feeling of being watched let's me look away from Jasie and instead find the rest of his family watching me with concern and badly hidden anger. Something that lets my stomach drop in complete worry. Are they angry with me? Did I make them mad? My heart breaks at that possibility alone.
„Angel? Can I ask you something?" Edward suddenly asks with a very strained voice. Not wanting to anger them any further, I hurriedly agree. My heart beating erratic enough, that I fear that it will actually jump out of my chest.
„Can you please tell us of what exactly you were thinking so hard about?" he slowly asks his question. My breath hitches right away. Overall breathing gets harder by the second.
„Beautiful? There is no reason to panic. No one will ever dare hurt you ever again! we won't allow that. So please take a few deep breaths for us." Rosalie promises with such intensity that I have no way but believe every word she says as well as do as she instructs. Her encouraging nod towards me only spurs me on to even further do as she and the others want. It's like a sudden need of being good for them awoke deep within me.
I can hear some loud growls and purrs, yet they don't concern me at all. Quit the opposite to be honest. Ok, I admit on one side it irritates me, yet it feels way too nice as to further think anything into it.
„Good girl." Emmets deep growling voice says approvingly. Clouding my brain all the more, as I can only look at them. They now completely surround me, as if I am their prey. A deep feeling of peace spreads through out me as I lay my head on Jasies strong chest and close my eyes. Trying to soak this feeling up the best I possibly can.