Mon Chéri

36

___________________________________Nyx

Day 5

I lay and I stare at one of the many blank walls in my room. I've been here for 5 days now and each day I've had therapy. To be honest the therapist is annoying. Her name is Laura and she pesters me until I throw things at her. I mean she does give me sweets so I guess thats okay.

I hear a knock at my door and Nurse Hannah pops her head in. "Nyx your wife is here to see you" she tells me. I keep staring at the wall as I speak "Well tell her I don't want to see her". I hear hannah sigh before my door shuts again.

I don't want to see morticia. She put me in this hell hole instead of letting me stay with her and helping me. I rub my eyes as I close them again for my millionth nap of the day.

Day 12

"Have you spoken to your wife yet?" Laura asks as I stare out of the window. I shake my head. "Words" she says and I scoff. "No I havent. Why would I when she's shoved me in here for a month after I had a miscarriage and tried to kill myself?!" I shout at her.

Laura sighs and watches as I take off my hoodie which has no strings in. "Have you been eating?" She asks noticing my thin waist. I shake my head "No. I don't have the energy to and quite frankly I would rather not".

I watch as the brown haired woman stands up and goes over to a cupboard. She grabs out an apple and throws it at me. I roll my eyes and I place it on the table infront of me. "Eat it" Laura says in a demanding tone. "You eat it" I mutter.

I look down at my hand as I go to play with my wedding ring which is missing "Do you know when I can get my ring back?". "You threw it at a nurse when she came to tell you morticia was here. You won't be getting that back until you leave." She tells me making me groan.

Day 17

I lay staring at a wall as I rest my hand on my non existent bump. I didnt sleep last night and my eyes hurt from crying. I lift my head up and I look at the door as it opens and closes. "Fuck off" I mutter as I spot Laura.

She shakes her head and sits on the end of my bed "you missed our session today". I wipe my eyes and I sit up "I.. didnt feel like it. I...would have been 20 weeks today. Halfway through". I notice Laura's eyes widen as its the first time I have willingly spoken about the baby and the miscarriage.

I notice her hesitating before she speaks "can you..talk me through what happened that night?". I nod slowly as tears threaten to fall from my eyes "I picked up my daughter from nursery a..and we went back to the apartment. When I got there it was unlocked so I pushed the door open. Everything was ruined. I sent Raven down the hall to my brother and I went in.".

I look down at my hands as I speak "I sat in our room on the floor whilst I waited for Morticia to get home and when she did..I broke down. Thats when the pain started a..and the blood. Tish took me to hospital a..and I was told we lost him. I just remember everyone's voices being muffled and I didnt-..couldn't speak. I had a procedure done to make sure it was complete a..and we went home."

I start to cry as I continue "We went to stay at my daughters godmothers a..and I fell asleep. B..but when I woke up I just felt this weight on me. I'd lost my baby a..and I felt like I failed a..as a mother and a wife. I went into the bathroom and I spotted the blade a..and I just...tried to end it." .

I feel a hand rubbing my knee soothingly and I look up at Laura "I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Did you have a name for them?". I smile as I look back down "He was going to be Corbyn. Morticia's choice. It's French and it means Raven. He was our perfect little boy a..and everything was fine until that night".

I sit in silence for a while as I think. I've pushed morticia away. She probably hates me..she just wanted the best for me. I look at  Laura as I whisper "Can..you see if they can get tish to come tommorow?". I hear her sigh before she gives me a sorry smile "I'm glad you are ready to see her..but she has just went away with some students for a week. She is here every visiting day so she will probably come when she is back". "Oh.." I mumble quietly.

Day 25

I smile at myself in the mirror as I fix my hair. Today Morticia will be coming and I've never been more excited to see her. I've tried to make myself look decent and not like I haven't slept in a while.

I walk out of my room and Nurse hannah walks over to me. "Nyx your seeing ypur wife today?" She asks surprised as we walk towards the hall. I nod "I wanted to see her a while ago but she has been away for work". "Well I'm happy to see you socialising" she tells me before going over to someone else.

I sit down at an empty table and I wait for visitors to be let in. A smile covers my face when I spot other patients family's arriving. I watch for the next 5 minutes for my wife. That turns into 10. Then 20. Then 40 minutes until the hour is finally up. I feel my heart breaking. She didn't turn up.

I get up and I rush to Laura's office. I push the door open and she looks up at me smiling "how was it?". I pace back and forth as I cry "She didn't fucking turn up...you said she would come!". "She didn't...turn up? Hang on let me call her" Laura says.

I sit down in a bean bag chair whilst she calls my wife. She puts the phone on speaker and I let out a sob as I hear Morticia's voice "Hello?". "Hey uh..where were you today?" Laura asks. I hear Tish sigh before she starts speaking again "There was no point me going. She doesn't want to be there so I don't need to be there anymore".

I curl up into a ball and I rest my head on my knees as I start to cry more. She has given up on me. My wife gave up. Laura gives me a sorry look "Morticia she was there. She has wanted to see you for the last week since she broke down and told me about the baby and that night but you were away. She sat for an hour waiting for you..".

I stand up and I wipe my eyes when morticia goes silent. "I'm going back to my room" my voice shakes as more tears rush down my face. "Mon cheri.." I hear Tish say as I get to the door. "I'm sorry" I sob out as I leave the room.