Nothing Above You

Seventeen

Mateo Delacruz

A silent peep rings in my ears. For a while, I stand there as many things blur my mind. Everything is completely messed up.

I stand in front of the man who I thought wanted me with my shirt unbuttoned. I stand there covered in dark and purple marks all over my neck. I just stand there. Completely exposed.

My eyes don't know where to look, my mind doesn't know what to think, my heart doesn't know what to feel.

I just stand there, feeling the great humiliation strike in me. I have no shame. That's all my mind was repeating. After all he had done and said, I still kissed him and let him have his way with me.
I have no shame at all. No self respect.

Feeling betrayed, humiliated, I take angry steps towards him. My breathing gets high with each step I take and before I can think, I slap him across the face. Hard.

"You are literally the worst." I look at his face as I spit those words with gritted teeth. I shake in anger and my heart hurts.

He turns to look at me. His caramel eyes meet mine as his hair covers them. He is not angry. He doesn't regret it either. His expressions are just plain; blank.

Feeling more angry, the feeling of wanting to slap him, punch him, kick him rises inside me even more.

But I don't do anything. Instead, I push him away and grab my coat that was lying on the floor and leave the balcony. I walk down the corridor, buttoning my shirt in a hurry. I stumble over something but gain my balance soon after. I brush my hair with my hands to make sure I don't look fucked up.

I feel like every single person is eyeing me, judging me as I walk down the corridor but in reality, no one gave a single shit. They were minding their own business.

I walk out of the mansion and the loud music that plays in the background slowly starts to fade.

When I stop and look at the sky, I breakdown. I completely break into sobs and cry. My body shakes as I uncontrollably sob in my hand. A dreadful, muffled scream leaves my mouth as I let my emotions take control over me.

Everything hurts. Every single thing hurts right now. His words echo in my mind repeatedly.

You should go. Or you like it? You like the way people touch you. Were you going to sleep with her. I can't do this. It was a mistake.

I had never thought that it could effect me this much. Never in my dreams did I think that a simple intimacy would bring me to such a heartbreak. Bring me such hurt.

Breathing in and out, I try to control myself. I try to gather myself. I remind myself that he is not worth it.

When my breathing gets a bit stable, I take out my phone with shaky hands. I swallow a lump that is in my throat and try to sound as normal as possible.
Once I feel like I'm getting better, I call Anthony.

"Hey." I breath out and wait for him to reply. "Hey, what's up? Mateo?" His voice comes out concerned and the lump I had just swallowed starts to buildup in my throat again. "Are you okay?" His words start to fill my eyes as tears threaten to fall. I look at the sky and exhale deeply.