The Shelby Baby

Chapter 1 - The betrayal

I remember it as if it happened yesterday. How Tommy sold our family out and let them get arrested when they could almost reach their freedom. The yelling. The looks of hurt and anger. I will never ever forget that scene. Everybody got dragged out except me and Finn. Aunt Pol screaming at Tommy and the looks of betrayal thrown at him. I got so angry. I tried to grap Polly's hand I needed to reassure her. Or better yet myself that everything would be alright. It would get solved. My fingers brushed her hand before i could grap it. I was slammed into the wall, large hands kept my arms restricted while he pushed me to the wall with the front of his body against the back of mine. I panicked. Scared to get dragged away. While the voices got louder, I saw Isiah looking at me with desperation. He elbowed the cop behind him that was restricting him and Finn. He ran to get the other cop off me. Before he could get to me more cops came to restrict him. Isiah and my brothers kept struggling to get to me. Tommy came and got him off me. Saying that I wasn't part of the deal. The rest of the cops went away with my struggling family. They took Isiah too because he assaulted an officer. Now that they were gone, nobody made a sound. But the room felt so loud. Loud with betrayal. Loud with words that wanted to be said but could't find their way. Me and Finn checked each other on potential injuries but found none. Well at least physical ones. Mentally we got shot. Shot by Tommy's mind games. Shot with abandons. Shot with betrayal. I couldn't even look at him, he wasn't the Tommy before the war. He wasn't my Tommy anymore. He was a man that betrayed his family and wanted forgiveness for it.

Ever since then Tommy tried to get my forgiveness. He tried speaking to me, but i avoided him as much as I could. If I knew he was going to be somewhere I was going I would try to delay it as much as possible so he would be gone. He came to my friends houses when I was with them asking for me. He escorted me from my job to mine and Finn's house at watery lane. He tried telling me he had a plan to fix it. To fix us. But Ignored him as if he wasn't there. I would walk past him at the betting shop and not look at him or even greet him. I would sit there and look right though him as if he was a ghost. He broke my trust and it would take a long time before he would have a little of it back. I didn't need his words. His words were too calculated. It would float in the air until he would decide if he would follow up on his words. I needed his actions. The actions to free my family. My John, Arthur, Michael and Polly. The gap between us was the biggest it ever had been. I got closer to Finn and Ada. Finn was the only family I had left in small heath. He is my twin and we had each others backs. Finn started doing drugs and alcohol to cope. He and Isiah could be found every night at the Garrison. And doing god knows what in the day, probably messing about. I sometimes joined them to the garrison but preferred going to party's where I could dance freely.

Isiah was still doing Tommy's bidding since he once told me he loves the thrill of the jobs. And it makes him feel like he is important. He can transform all that negative energy he receives, into his job. The fear people have for him excited him and he makes good money from it. He also enjoys seeing Finn more regularly. As if he doesn't see Finn every bloody day.

Ada was my safe place as the only other Shelby sister I could tell her everything, even my boy problems. Even though that was almost nonexistent because of the big bad wolves aka my brothers. I could escape the familiar memories with the people who were gone in Small heath and live freely in London. Well as freely as possible because of the peaky boys who would follow me everywhere and extra protection around the houses on Tommy's order of course. But I got used to that overtime, since I can remember I got protection. In my younger years it was just my brothers, than that grew to them and friends and since a long time the peaky blinders on top of that. But besides that me and Ada could go to lunch together and go shopping. Or go to the park with Karl and have girls nights in with a masks on and gossip about the series we would be watching on the television. (Not sure if that was already a thing back than). It made me feel safe and feel normal for a few hours. And then the reality would get thrown back into my face. But I tried to get on with my life. I needed to hold the fort down until Polly would be back. So I was doing my job handling the numbers at the betting den. Lizzie took over Polly's job for the time being.

Everything changed. When the family got out. We split up. Johnny took the kids and Esme to the country side. Arthur moved away to somewhere too. I wouldn't know where I haven't visited yet. When John, Arthur and Michael got free they visited me saying that they missed me and that it broke their hearts not seeing me. I haven't seen them in a while. Here and there a few phone calls but that was it. I understood the distance and you know the prison experience but it hurt. Especially when Polly got out. She got on some tablets when she was inside and now she sees spirits. It hurts to see such a strong woman in my life be so effected by her experiences. I visited her every other day to have a cuppa tea with her and help around the house or make sure she's dressed. Sometimes I would bump into Michael we would have small talk and talk about his mom. He would ask about my life and if I could forgive Tommy. Every damn time when we would chat he would end with something like "Tommy misses you" or "could you just hear him out?". I of course never listened and would tell him that it was nice seeing him but I should go.