The Shelby Baby

Chapter 13 - Emotions

I woke up at Tommy's house. I heard a commotion but decided to ignore it. I was dazed for a moment until I remembered what happened. Bonnie was killed and I couldn't do anything. I remember his brown eyes staring at me lovingly. I remember him telling me nobody could top me. I remember friend zoning him and me thinking about another man while fucking Bonnie. Even though Bonnie accepted my apology and stopped whatever was going on. He comforted me... the girl that broke his heart for another guy. He was so sweet...so kind... he was too good for this world. Yes he could be brutal by killing but that wasn't his passion. He wanted to be a boxer and his dreams were coming true only to be taken away. I remember telling him there would be the perfect girl for him and they would marry and have kids. He won't. He can't. All because of Michael. I felt so angry... so unfair. He had a life in front of him... a good life. That has now all vanished. All the emotions I felt came up.. anger..sadness..disbelief..fear...hopelessness. This would never stop. Not in my life. People keep dying.... First mom then Freddie, John and now Bonnie. I felt nauseous. I ran to the bathroom and puked. Tears fell over my cheeks, thinking about him I started to sob. I winced away when I felt a hand on my shoulder. Turning around I saw Isaiah looking at me sadly. I couldn't handle it. The grieve I felt towards Bonnie being bottled up with the guilt of betraying Finn. I stood up making Isaiah stand up in a cautious manner expecting me to lash out or sob into his arms. Instead I rushed past him down the stairs running past Lizzie. I ran down the estate of Tommy. Vaguely hearing my name being called, but I didn't stop. I kept running. Trying to find a safe place where I didn't feel trapped. After hours of running I sat down in a field of flowers. All white flowers. Watching the sunrise just staring forward, my brain running for miles like my legs just did. I sat there until the sun was highest. I decided to head back to Small Heath. I had cleared my head enough. I still grieved about Bonnie, but I didn't want to feel the pain and the emotions. I wanted to feel free. Being able to do whatever I want. Because in this life you never know when it's going to end. I won't accept my brothers trying to own me. Them and their enemies using me as a pawn to win in their little stupid games. Not caring about dead just to end on top. Well I'm done with it. I was done with the Shelby's. Yes I know Ada tried and she's back but she did it for politics. I however am planning to ignore every person from Small Heath. I'm done with the kills and planning. I want to live my life instead of trying to survive. So the plan is to get my stuff that is left over in the old house, Garrison and Polly's house. And go home to London. There is no point in moving they would find me anyways. I'm staying at home, but I'll ignore them all as if they were a stranger. I will ignore and decline all their advances towards me. After thinking everything trough I noticed I arrived at my old home walking in, i made meself some brunch. After eating I trudged upstairs and grabbed my suitcase and piled all my leftover stuff and clothes in it. I did the same at Polly's house and contemplated if I should go to the Garrison or not since it would likely be where they were. Expecting me.
I decided not to go, I wanted to go home, I took the train to London.  Carrying my bags to my house I felt somebody grab my arm. I tensed up, scared it was the billy boys or worse Tommy. Turning around I looked into the blue eyes of Leo. He gave me a sad look ''you alright?'' I looked into his eyes and shrugged my shoulders. He kept looking at me, analysing me, he put both his hands on my cheeks and rubbed his thumbs under my eyes ''don't cry baby, i don't like seeing you this sad'' i looked at him confused... I guess my cheeks were numb from all the crying that i didn't feel the tears. Leo grabbed my bags out of my hand and put his hand around my waist pulling me to the door. He opened the door and led me to the couch. He started a fire and made some tea for us. When he sat down beside me I felt his arm around me again, I leaned into the embrace hugging him and softly cried. While he caressed my back, his presence comforted me. I can't remember how but I woke up the next day in bed with Leo. we were both clothed, so i guess i fell asleep and he moved us. Turning around in his embrace I saw Leo still peacefully sleeping. He looked cute. I felt guilty again. The guilt of betraying Tommy and Finn as well by sleeping with someone that was off limits. I also felt guilty towards Isaiah for now being in another man's arms. But we arent together, we agreed that it was wrong and shouldnt happen again, but - ''what are you thinking about?'' said Leo with a rough morning voice. I looked down at him and said ''just things'' he gave me look sighing i said ''do you ever feel guilty towards tommy?'' he looked at me ''no.. Because you're mine and he will never get me away from you even if he tried''. I felt kinda unsettled by that, it sounded sweet, but we were not that serious. Yes we've slept together but that was more for passing of time or lust in that moment. And yes i cried my eyes out yesterday and comforted me, but thats what friends do, weve never went on a date, never talked about a relationship and we only saw eachother from a distance or when we were about to fuck. Moving out of his arms i stood up ''i've got a few things to do, i'm gonna shower, how about you make us some breakfast?'' I asked while looking in the closet. I grabbed a dress and went to the bathroom not waiting for his answer.
After taking a long bath washing away the events of last night, I saw Bonnie's face again, his eyes looking at me with so much emotion. Trying to decipher what they all meant. I heard a knock on the door ''Jennifer, you alright? I made breakfast, but I've got to go.. i'll be watching you''. ''Bye Leo and keep what happened yesterday quiet will ya!'' I heard him hum and then the door clicking shut. I got out of the bath and changed into the chosen dress, put my heart in a nice little updo and some light make-up on. I headed to the dining table seeing scrambled eggs and toast I started eating. I lied to Leo, I didn't have anything planned. I just wanted to be alone. After eating I cleaned the dishes and started stress cleaning the rest of the apartment. While cleaning the phone rang a couple times, but I ignored it, probably someone from Small Heath checking up on me.

Leo's portrait (you could obviously imagine someone else)