Spotlight ☆ | minsung

☆13☆

"It's okay, it was years ago. And besides, I think I'm ready to talk about it with you, Lix." 

The blonde stat up straight, looking at Minho with slightly scared eyes.

"You don't have to force yourself to anything, Minho. I won't be mad if you don't want to te—"

"Felix." cut off the older, looking at the floor with a saddened expression. "If I don't tell someone it'll end me." he whispered, voice breaking towards the end of the sentence.

"I'll listen to you, Min." sentenced the freckled boy, relaxing his posture.

And without waiting anymore, the red haired boy started, not giving his mind any option for overthinking things and stop him from seeking help for the first time in his life.

"After my mom's death my dad started blaming me for it. He...said and did horrible things, but as a kid I believed his every word and thought his every action was because I deserved it. Still, I've always tried to impress him, to make the disgusted face he always puts when looking at me disappear. I guess a part of me is still that six year-old who wants to hear his dad say 'I'm proud of you'." Minho couldn't suppress some stray tears from falling through his reddish cheeks. Nonetheless, he forced himself to continue. "That's why I'm famous now, too. All to please him, even if it still isn't enough. I'm just trying to be his perfect child, not the useless little brat that killed his wife."

He hugged himself and swallowed a sob, pausing to control the thunderstorm inside his head, to express his feelings the less he could. He did it unconsciously and Felix noticed it but still decided against interrupting him.

A few seconds later, he continued, sighing heavily before speaking. "That's also why I freaked out like that when I heard you admit to liking boys. My father has always taught me that, in his eyes, being gay was an unforgivable sin, something unnatural and disgusting. The day I decided to accept that I am attracted to boys and told him, he beat me up until he nearly killed me. I spent two weeks bedridden. I've been scared of saying it out loud ever since and when you did it I guess I got worried that he might do something to you too." 

The red haired boy started to cry as soon as Felix's arms embraced him, unable to hold the tears back any longer. He had been aching for physical affection without realizing it until he felt the unfamiliar warmth of a genuine hug, making is façade fall off completely. He couldn't pretend to be happy anymore, he couldn't hide how much his heart was suffering alone anymore.

His body shook with every heavy sob that went past his lips and he felt the all too familiar need to stop crying. He started feeling the need to stop the fit of emotions storming inside him from showing once again, knowing how vulnerable he was being and fearing his best friend's reaction to it. Would the blonde boy laugh at how pathetic he was? Would he feel disgusted and go away? Would he hit him for acting like a weak little girl and crying his eyes out? He bit the inside of his cheek, letting go of the hug. His fists were clenched, nails digging on his palms in a painful way, all to distract himself and stop the tears from falling. He could feel the blood his nails were drawing. 

"First of all, your mother's death wasn't your fault." Felix's voice broke the state of fear his mind was immersing in, making his gaze shot upwards. "Sometimes life is a bitch and we can't blame ourselves for it, nor get blamed by other people. Second, I am proud of you, Lee Minho." 

That last sentence broke down any walls he had been so desperately trying to put up again. His shoulders shook as he sobbed and trembled but he let his fists de-tense and his body sink in the younger's arms again.

The older damped Felix's sweater with tears for a few minutes until the blonde spoke up again. "How do you feel about everything that's happened to you, Min?" asked the freckled male. Throughout the whole speech Minho had only once mentioned something about his emotions and that was what truly concerned the blonde ever since hearing him say how he wanted to be dead.