No Regrets

Chapter 8

     I woke up at around eight in the morning and quickly walked to the bathroom to get ready. Today was the party, my sweet sixteenth birthday party and it had me excited. So much so that I could not sleep for the first three hours and woke up multiple times. But now I was wide awake and getting ready.

     After brushing my teeth, I hopped in the shower, making sure I got rid of any grime and sweat. I was a clean person, but today being a special day where all the attention would be on me, I could not risk smelling bad at all. 

     After showering and changing into under garments and putting on a long robe to walk around, I headed to the kitchen. My mother was already there, cooking me a birthday breakfast. On my birthdays she always made funfetti pancakes, maple bacon bits to spread on top, and made her cream cheese frosting to put on the pancakes instead of syrup. She served the food and began singing after lighting a candle and placing it in the middle of the pancakes. "Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Margaret! Happy birthday to you!" She kissed my cheek after I blew out the candle, "Happy sixteenth birthday, I love you so much!" 

     I smiled as I stared at the pancakes, "To the moon and back." I grabbed the fork which laid on the right side of me and began to cut the pancakes. Mothers' homemade pancakes from scratch were so fluffy and full of flavor. They didn't dry out and kept the moisture and fluffiness throughout the whole day, meaning on the days I couldn't eat any more pancakes, I could save them for another without worries. I enjoyed eating the pancakes, savoring them with each bite and thinking about how the day could only get better from here.

     After we ate our breakfast in a comfortable silence, we washed the dishes, then went into the bathroom so she could style my hair. Mother was not a professional, but she knew how to do basic hair styles. And because she used a lot of the money for the party, I decided to choose her to do my hair and makeup instead of a professional. It meant she would save a lot more money, and though she assured me she had enough money for all of this, I chose to be an economically wise person. My mother already worked hard in her job to save up all the money for my big day, wherever I could save her a bit more money, I would. Having her do my makeup and hair would be better than a professional as well, I would carry around something of hers throughout the day. It made the makeup and hairstyle more special and it would bring a smile to face whenever I looked at myself through the mirror. 

     I had chosen a wavy hairstyle and two braids on each side of my head which would connect and turn into one. I had grown out my hair for this particular hairstyle and would cut it the next day. I love my hair being short, around chin length, with layers. But in order to have my dream hairstyle, I grew it out for a whole year. It was actually hard to do, to stare at my hair everyday after it got to shoulder length level and be reminded that no matter, I would be perceived as a girl. Mother, father, and my friends all accepted me as I was and would see me as nonbinary no matter how feminine, masculine, or androgynous I looked. But to me, to help my dysphoria when it came to hair, it was difficult. I loved being a feminine and androgynous nonbinary person, but society would never see me as that. I was fine with it, because I understood exactly why. It hurt me to make choices that made me look more like a girl, that was all.

   The whole time I watched from the mirror as mother began doing my hair. She picked up one strand and curled it, letting it drop down a beautiful curl only for her to brush it out to make it wavy. I watched her grab a strand of hair and intertwine with another to make the braids that shortened as more strands were intertwined. It was relaxing to see how majestically my mother styled my hair. The light from the sun hitting her face brought out her wrinkles that made her look dazzling and gorgeous for a woman her age. I loved watching her age with such grace and beauty and still be the same person she always was.