No Regrets

Chapter 13

     Gaia smiled slightly and stared at my green eyes. "Why did you do it," questioning what Liam had not to deserve it and not why I killed my stepdad.

     A little distraught at how directly she asked this, I shifted in my seat and cleared my throat, putting some space between us. "Liam was abusive, both physically and verbally on my mom. He verbally abused me at times." It was weird talking to someone about this other than mother and my therapist from years ago. I never told my friends about Liam's abuse; I instead told them that he abandoned us when I was five and we've been happy ever since. I didn't like talking about it because it sent me to a dark place, but telling Gaia this, it didn't feel that way. It felt relieving because I knew there would be no judgement. No judgement on why my mother didn't leave the relationship sooner, no judgement on why I hated him so much, no judgment on why, after all these years, I held a grudge so strong that ended up in my killing him. She felt safe to open up to and share everything.

    "I remember how a lot of the times, I would, while trying to get sleep, hear my mom crying. She cried silently but her shaky breaths and exhales would wake me up as a child. I would walk into the bathroom and see her crying, eyes red, and cleaning the part she had been hit, bruised, or cut at. Seeing this, I would ask if she was okay and when she responded that she was, I would give her a hug. Telling her that everything would be fine and that I loved her." I smiled warmly, recollecting the times I would help mother feel a bit better after the nightmare she just had gone through. From a young age I understood her pain, and I knew how to comfort her, at least the best I could at that age. Sometimes, it made me wonder if my support was one of the strengths she gained to leave Liam. It wasn't all warm and fuzzy however, when remembering how I was there for her, it was also painful. My heart still ached thinking about her deafening screams and sobs... my heart ached when I thought about seeing her bleeding and watching blood droop down her body. To go back and make sure that never happened was something I wished was possible. The best thing I could have done was avenge her by killing Liam. It was something that I still felt no regret towards and it made me so happy to know he was no longer here.

     "When I was five, my mom decided that she had had enough with Liam, and we left the house. I never saw him until just yesterday. Seeing him brought me a lot of hurt and rage I had not felt in a long time, feelings I thought had been healed and resolved... but seeing him... I lost control. Stabbing him repeatedly brought me joy and tears, like we had finally been freed from Liam's grasp. We were no longer tied to him." My eyes glimmered and my heart fluttered. This feeling was so delicious, I loved feeling it. I wanted to keep this sort of euphoria feel with me at all times, it was however, a fleeting feeling. 

     Gaia's smile had become wider, and her shiny white teeth were showing. She grabbed my hand and squeezed it tightly, "Gods, I love our job!" Her eyes showed excitement and a clear lust of murder. She then moved on with our conversation, "How was life with just you and your mom?" She wanted to know a bit about me, a bit of how it was to live like a human and be one. 

     It was very alleviating to hear her be so proud of what I did. If I had told this to my friends or my mother, they would've been terrified of me. They would've called the police and turned me in even when it was completely deserved. I answered her question honestly, me and my mother had an amazing life without Liam. "After leaving Liam, mom and I began living in her friend's apartment. She let us stay there for just a few weeks while my mom found a place for us to live." I began, trying my best to recall as much as possible. "She bought a condo and found my dog, Arlo, the first few days we were there. He was a stray and I wanted him. I think my mom only allowed me to have a dog because he would be a good support system to me, the thing that brought me joy in a new and changed world. And, pets can be very therapeutic, maybe she hoped that Arlo would allow me to feel safe in our home. I always had trouble falling asleep when we lived with Liam. I was scared to death when he was in our house and scared when he wasn't, knowing that he would be around the corner. When we moved into our condo, I also had trouble sleeping. It was a type of trauma I went through and therapy helped me a lot when overcoming this feeling and paranoia. Arlo did help too, he would be my protector while I was vulnerable." I sighed with gratitude, warmth of the joy my baby brought to me, "Life was good with her and Arlo. She worked her ass off to provide and for that I will always be grateful."