Unforgivable

Love and Revelation

This chapter is one of my all time favorites <3

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Itachi was taken aback by the question. The look on her face told him that the question had been weighing on her mind for a while. He hesitated, it was obvious to him that she was unstable and probably wouldn't remember their conversation in the morning, but those five words were still so powerful. He knew the answer, there was no doubt in his mind.

"Yes, I did," Itachi told her softly.

Harumi's eyes widened, almost instantly watering in the slightest. He loved her? She knew she loved him, but for him to admit he had feelings for her as well, it made her heart flutter. But then, his last word registered in. Her chest ached, 'did'. Past tense.

"What...changed? Did I do something wrong?" Harumi asked him, sucking her tears back in. She wouldn't cry, not right now. He stayed silent for a while, making her anxious for his answer. What if it really was something she did? What if he felt she betrayed his trust at some point? The thoughts circled her head. She needed to know. She wanted to know how he could have the heart to kill her when she would have rather died than touch a single hair on his head. She knew better than anyone that when she formed bonds with someone, they were sacred. Forming a bond with her was a guarantee that she'd protect you with her life, even more if that bond was especially strong and formed during a time she needed it. Those people would become her life lines, a reason to stay alive.

Itachi was struggling deeply to answer that question. It hurt him to think she could have been blaming herself all these years, even more so when he knew it was the exact opposite. It was all his fault. All the feelings she was feeling right now was his fault. His fault for cutting their bond so ruthlessly, for trying to kill her, for not killing her, for hurting her so much physically and mentally. He was the problem, it was never her. She didn't know how much it made his chest ache when he found out Pain was recruiting her, how much he regretted not killing her all those years ago so she wouldn't have to be put through this all over again. All the girl had ever felt her whole life was pain, and when she found happiness, they –no, he– managed to rip it apart all over again.

It was so selfish of him, to be relieved that he didn't kill her. He was already a bad man, but he was even worse for allowing himself to feel such a pure emotion he didn't deserve. He shouldn't be allowed to feel glad or relieved for not ending the life of the only other person in his life he cared for like nothing else. It was so conflicting. On one hand, he was upset with himself for not ending her life and saving her from all this, but on the other hand, he was also glad she was alive, that he didn't have to take her away from the Earth.

"You didn't do anything, it was just something that happened. Don't blame yourself," Itachi told her. That both helped her so much and didn't help at all.

"But then why?" Harumi had to ask.

Itachi shook his head, he couldn't answer that. She sighed, her eyes looking elsewhere. Why couldn't he just tell her? Who was she going to tell? She turned back at him, feeling the fire of joy from the alcohol being dimmed down by the ice of his words. She was looking for something, anything in his eyes to give it away, but none. They were as void as ever, only softened right now. She felt as though he treated her like a child who couldn't handle the truth, causing her hands to fist. She grabbed another cup to chug down, but Itachi held her wrist, stopping her hand and taking the cup away from her.

"We have a mission to complete. Being hungover will not serve you well," he stated.

"You know, I kept telling myself that I messed up along the way somewhere. I told myself that it must have been my fault for being so untrustworthy that you couldn't talk to me anymore. I thought so much about it because I trusted you with my life. Then, after a long time, I came to the conclusion that Danzo must've threatened someone or something very precious to you, probably Sasuke. Yeah, he's the only other one that's alive, the only one you talked about and loved so much." Harumi let out, unable to contain the numerous equations she'd been through in her head.