Start Over

Twenty-Six

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July 12th, Wednesday 2023
Megan Knowles
10:00 am

"So why do you think you have issues being faithful?" My therapist asks me

I've been seeing my therapist for a few weeks and honestly it's very nice to have one. I've never thought about getting a therapist until Beyoncé told me to get one. I just want to make things right again. Alecia, My therapist keeps me in check and she doesn't let me avoid accountability, she'll make sure I know I fucked up.

"I don't know. I love my wife..so much. She has my entire heart and soul. I guess I just didn't realize how much I needed her until I lost her. What I did to Bey was so disgusting and I honestly don't know why I did it." I reply

"How did the affair even start?" She questions while fiddling with her pen

"Well Beyoncé and I had a threesome with her friend, and a few months later I got extremely drunk and high at a party. She kissed me and I stupidly kissed her back.." I explain

"Do you think you have abandonment issues?" She bluntly asks

"Hmm? What does that have to do with anything?" I ask in a confused tone

"It's just a yes or no answer Megan.." she says

"I mean like..when I was really young both of my parents passed away, so like I guess I did feel really abandoned." I reply to her

"Hmm how old were you when they passed if you don't mind me asking." She says

"When my father passed away I was 13, and 17 when my mom passed." I reply

"When did you meet Beyoncé?" She asks

"I'm 1997, when I was 16." I respond

"She was there for you when your mom passed away?" She replies

"One thousand percent. She was the one who kept me alive. I wanted to kill myself a long ass time but whenever I would look at Bey it gave me a reason to live." I tell her

"And to be honest sometimes I still want to end it all. But Bey and my children give me a reason to be alive. I don't know how I could hurt her like that when she mad me feel alive again." I whisper the end of my sentence as I feel a tear fall from my eyes but I quickly wipe it away

"Have you talked to Beyoncé since the night she found out?" She questions

"We've talked but never about our relationship. Since we co-parent we only talk about our children. I haven't seen her in so long, I'm taking the twins to her show in Philly so I'm going to see her there." I reply

"Should I try to talk to her about it?" I ask her

"I think you should talk to her about it but don't bullshit her. Keep it one hundred with her, tell her everything that you've done. If you want her to trust you again you have to earn that trust." She replies

"I lied to her. I broke her trust and it's crushing me inside because I should've been honest. I shouldn't have kissed Kelly, fuck if I could go back in time I would've never done this stupid shit." I whisper