Start Over

Forty-Two

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Extreme trigger warning

March 4th, Tuesday 2024
Beyoncé Knowles
9:00 am

"So how are you feeling Beyoncé?"

"Numb." I honestly respond

I look at the clock and I watch the seconds pass by. The ticking noise is driving me insane and it's all I can focus on.

"Why are you numb?"

"I don't know I just am." I whisper while wrapping my arms around myself to console myself

"Today I want to touch on some sensitive topics, is that okay?"

"Yeah..yeah that's fine.." I whisper

The sound of the pen hitting against the clipboard drowns out the sound of the ticking clock and it makes me divert my attention away from the clock and back to my therapist.

"So last week you told me about your life..and you said that you were sexually assaulted when you were sixteen." She says

I've been talking about me being sexually assaulted literally since I was 17 years old I'm kinda tired of talking about it, but I know I need to.

"Yes, by a record label owner." I respond

"He was 37, I remember that because when I told him my age he went "oh you're a baby." While giving me this...dirty look, like he couldn't wait to take off my clothes. I didn't know what that look meant at the time because the only person who ever looked at me like that was my then girlfriend, now wife." I explain

I remember everything with William, from the time he raped me for the first time all the way until the time he did it for the last time.

"Where were you when he sexually assaulted you for the first time?" She asks

"His house, it smelt like weed and liquor." I tell her

"Can you describe to me how it happened?" She questions in a soft tone before pushes a box of tissues in my direction

"Yeah..he invited me and my friends to a party, I was just a kid and I've never been blackout drunk before so I didn't know how to handle my liquor. I passed out on his sofa then I felt someone standing over me..I thought it was Megan..so I asked them to take me upstairs." I say before taking a deep breath

"When I got upstairs I became a little more conscious I realized it wasn't my girlfriend..it was William. He got on top of me and forced more alcohol down my throat, I guess to get me back into that unconscious state, it worked. I remember him telling me to shut up and to "be a good girl" then I heard his belt being undone. I woke up with no clothes on..and yeah. The first time it happened it wasn't violent, so the funny thing is that wasn't the most traumatic time.." I whisper as I feel a tear roll down my eyes

"Okay let's um..let's skip ahead. What was the most traumatic time?" She softly asks as I grab a tissue

Fuck.